Self-Care and Your Mental Health

“I think I quit. Yeah, I quit.” Those were the exact words I spoke last year during a Zoom meeting for work. Where once again, for the hundredth time, I was just fed up with several things, and even though quitting my job wasn’t on my agenda that day, I was sharing my grievances about a few things, and it was as if my soul spoke on my behalf, and I couldn’t go back on what was said. I said goodbye to my bosses and co-workers, who of course was just as stunned as I was, and exited the Zoom meeting. I closed my computer and sat there wondering what the hell did I just do and even though I shocked myself and was absolutely scared about my next moves, a burden was lifted from me immediately.

 

Truth was, and I am sure you can relate, I finally did what I know I should have done long ago. I just wished I had not waited until my well was dry and my resilience maxed out to do so. I was running on fumes professionally and personally. I was no longer happy at my job and felt undervalued and underappreciated but overworked as well. My mental state was suffering, I felt unfulfilled, and emotionally I was a wreck. So, when Naomi Osaka made the brave choice to drop out of the French Open, putting her mental health first, I wholeheartedly understood her decision.

 

I also understood when Megan Markle chose her sanity and well-being over family drama and trauma and instead decided to risk it all and focus on the family she was creating. I have long separated from certain family members and the dysfunction that came with them way before I quit my job.

 

All are some examples, even as extreme as it may seem, of self-care.

Although everyone may not be supportive of those who chose not to endure or tolerate pain, injustice, abuse, mistreatment, exhaustion, or dissatisfaction, I do believe that there is a collective shift happening. A shift where women are prioritizing their well-being over everything and everyone. Women following their hearts, listening within, and letting go of what no longer serves them.

 

Yes, we must absolutely continue with the spa days, hair and nails did, minding our own business, taking girl’s trip, getting in some retail therapy, meditating, drinking water, etc. because they are important, needed, and well-deserved but let’s also expand our self-care beyond social media trends and hashtags.

 

Self-care is a noun that is defined as preserving or improving one’s own health. Ultimately, then, self-care is rooted in self-preservation (preservation of oneself from destruction or harm, a natural or instinctive tendency to act as so to preserve one’s own existence) and is a prerequisite to having a healthy mental and emotional well-being. You cannot be mentally and emotionally stable if you are not willing to protect yourself from harm in any capacity.

Self-care must be not just a part of your life but your daily way of living, your lifestyle. Achievement of this deeper level of self-regard is not as pretty and it may or may not get a lot of likes, hearts, positive comments, and support but backlash. The shift is a process and journey (can be a long one), and we all have our own individual walks that supersede opinions, even praise from others.

Self-care is multi-faceted from being aesthetically pleasing to having courageously confrontations and crucial conversations. Also setting standards and saying no when you want to say no. Saying yes to those things you want to say yes to. Admitting that you indeed are overwhelmed and even more so, not waiting until you are overwhelmed and advocating for yourself sooner. Self-care is feeling your feelings in order to self-regulate properly. The ability to rest is not lazy, optional, or a privilege but a necessity for mental, physical repair and rejuvenation. To be able to rest in God, rest in yourself, and rest in the presence of those you love, respect, and can be authentic and vulnerable with (and vice versa), comes from carefully curating safe spaces (within and around you) that is nurturing to your mind, body, soul, and spirit.

Good mental maintenance is following your soul’s desire and doing the required soul work too so that you can breathe fully and be in the moment, not in past, not in the pain, not in burnout, not in the facade, or not in the constant sacrifice and state if survival. Instead, relish in the becoming and letting go as you set proper parameters, walk away from people, things, and places if needed, or just take the necessary breaks from what is breaking you down as you tend to your invisible wounds. You become proactive and not reactive. You master stress reduction, management, and prevention from a grounded place instead of grasping frantically for straws with no respite in sight.

 

There is an old saying that states, “When the going gets tough [a situation], the tough (a person) gets going.” This implies that when times get difficult, the tough (person) can and should endure and push through. And yes, you can, and sometimes must but what if the tough (person) would rather say “F” that (my favorite self-care affirmation), I am tired, I no longer want to get going but instead, I want to get away or at the very least call a timeout?

And what if the tough (the situation) is no longer worth the stress, the enduring, and is killing you slowly? You get to decide, no longer can a society decide or force you to do or not do.

 

This is the shift that is being ushered in, a lifestyle of self-care that leads you into alignment that values more on being than doing, honors your well-being, and leaves empowered. You begin to become in-tuned and trust in who you are and with clarity, you act in unapologetic, self-integrity without compromising your health in any manner.