Stepping Into Her Light

¹⁷ And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

For as much negativity that can be attributed to the internet or social media, there are times you actually do find inspiration in some of the most unexpected places. Almost a decade ago I stumbled upon a Facebook page—I can’t remember exactly how but surely a mutual friend must have shared something and I instantly felt the power in her words. Every post hit home in some way. You could relate. You were instantly taken back to that moment in time that post spoke too. You could feel the light radiating from wisdom or from wanting-depending on how you look at it- and you wanted it to shine daily.  You expected nothing but greatness and a random AHA moment while you waited for her next posting. Lena Harris was your friend in your head. She was the girlfriend you wanted in your support circle when times got tough. You liked her and looked up to her all at the same time. But mostly you wanted that light. You wanted the rays of her spirit to fall in your direction. You wanted to be able to uplift others even when you needed lifting yourself. Even when your crown was slipping.  You wanted to know what God was trying to tell you by sending her to drop these messages on your timeline.  How could one person affirm daily what you wanted in life, love, or even your career? Lena is the friend who will bail you out of jail, give you a hug but then let you know where you messed up. And then tell you about a time she did the same thing. You wanted that glow. Inspiration with a nice dash of reality mixed in. “I want to shine like Lena”, should be a mantra. Let’s meet her.

Tell our readers where you grew up, what in general you do for a living, and where you’re based. I grew up in Wilmington, North Carolina. Currently, I am a Patient Services Coordinator in a doctor’s office and currently based in Charlotte.   I have shared with you before the power your words have had in not only my life but even with people I shared with. Did that surprise you? Yes, it did surprise me. When something is on my heart, I often hesitate about sharing it because sometimes I get the feeling that people are just not interested in reading about it, but when I’m obedient to what my spirit leads me to do, someone always reaches out to me to simply say…’You have no idea how much your words just blessed me.’ That then makes it all worth it to me. I have learned that as many are looking for funny memes or celebrity gossip or reality show videos, they are equally looking for inspiration in whatever form it may come in. I hope getting that feedback from others has granted you the grace and peace to walk with your head a little higher in knowing that you are reaching people. What if anything made you start posting? Was it just a natural thing where you were just sharing your thoughts with friends and family that blossomed as time went on or something more?   I was fairly new to Facebook at the time and just wanted to make the interactions fun. I noticed that there was not a lot of dialogue about ‘relationships’. So, I would post a topic or make a ‘statement’ that I thought would draw some interest from both men and women. I specifically made it a point to let my page be a place where MEN could comfortably participate in the conversation without being ‘bashed’, ganged up on, or disrespected. My goal was to be as fair as I could with what I posted as it related to men and their feelings and making sure they felt HEARD, while also encouraging women to actually engage and LISTEN. My page eventually became the daily ‘hang-out spot and thus, THE CORNER was created!   That is interesting. So many times, people forget it takes two to make a relationship and that if they only take their personal experiences into account, it can create a biased commentary that the other side can’t benefit from completely. There are men who need healing and hugs too. And all women and all men are not the same. Your thoughts?   First, let me say that ‘skin hunger’ is real! Whether or not we realize it, the power of TOUCH is probably the very 1^st language we learn at a very young age. Not only is it the most profound, but it tends to have so much more of an immediate impact than words do. I think women hug more than men do because we are genetically predisposed to be more affectionate. It does not always mean that a woman will automatically do it, but hugs often help us manage stress. For men, many of them were not allowed to be vulnerable as young boys and were always told to ‘Man up!’ So often, they are taught that being stoic is the mark of manhood, and showing any kind of emotion equals failure to their title of being a man. Men NEED a safe space to share their feelings without the fear of being judged. They cannot be sensitive to a woman’s needs until they learn and practice how to build their own emotional vocabulary.   Many people have experienced different struggles during this pandemic. Have you found it hard to stay positive and empower others over the last year?   Yes. There were times that I found it very difficult to stay positive. Like so many others during the pandemic, I lost my job. Thankfully, it ended up only be temporary, but at the time, it felt very permanent and uncertain. What I had to do make it a daily practice of intentionally not allowing any negative thoughts and feelings to stick around. That can be extremely hard to do when your brain is hard-wired to look for and focus on things that are NOT going well in life. However, I focused more on the positive things that WERE going on and really had to separate fact from fiction: Am I in good physical health? Do I have a place to live? Reliable transportation? Am I missing any meals? Sometimes I felt like I was starving, but never really was! LOL. And even though I was unemployed, I was still able to pay my bills without being late on anything. I was extremely grateful for that because I basically had everything I needed. I had to be honest with myself and realize that I wasn’t ‘struggling’ in the true sense of the word and I could not allow the negative thoughts to convince me otherwise. I had to continue to speak positivity! It definitely helped me to be more rational and clear-headed with my thinking during that time. There is an old Buddhist proverb that I like. It says: ‘Enough is a feast.’ And I had MORE than that. I prospered during the pandemic. That is how and when ‘The Happy Movement’ was born!   I think women can relate to your posts because many of our experiences are similar as women, mothers, daughters, and wives navigating this earth. Who inspires you?   I am inspired by women I personally know. I’ve seen them win and I’ve seen them lose, but for me, it’s the way they still move with integrity while also carrying themselves with dignity when they’re NOT winning is what encourages me to keep going.   Who is Lena at her core?   This, for some reason, has always been a tough, question for me to answer with WORDS. I feel like who I am at the core is more SEEN and HEARD than ‘explained.’ If anyone consistently reads what I post or engage in enough conversations with me, then who I am at the core will appear, if that makes sense. Now some say you can’t get to know anyone based on posts and online presence because so many of us are “presenting” and not “representing”. So let me find another way to ask you. Who was Lena 20 years ago and who is Lena today? How did she grow?   The Lena from 20 years ago was not as self-aware as she is today. As I got older, I learned the importance of having core values and how to develop them over time; especially through my choices and life experiences. I have established my own identity empowered myself by trying to identify misalignment in my life and learning how to address it accordingly. And even though I am in a really great place in my life now, my core values have still been my life filter for what I should do regarding any decisions I may have to make.   Has there ever been a time when you felt less than inspiring but even in your own darkness you found that pinpoint of light to share with others?   Oh, my goodness, YES!! That is where #GoHardForTheHappy came from! I was in such a dark place emotionally. At the time, my marriage was ending and I felt like a complete failure. I felt so inadequate, unloved, and unworthy and HATED being in that place. I didn’t like that headspace AT ALL!   Would you like to get married again?   Maybe one day. I am still on the fence about it. I am not totally against it, but I now have the desire to be formally engaged first. With my previous marriages, I never gave myself permission to, nor made it clear that I just wanted to enjoy being a fiancée. Once the decision was made to get married, the ‘I Do’s happened very shortly thereafter.  With the relationship I am currently in, we love each other very much and have always been on the same page about marriage. So, neither of us is in rush to do it again right now. Perhaps a long or ‘forever’ engagement would be more of an appropriate option because it allows us to specifically define the nature of our relationship and do what works for us accordingly. Marriage is not our end-all-be-all. We are both very comfortable with offering each other the promise of commitment in other ways.   As the mother of a black son, how have you kept your own fears at bay when it comes to your hopes, dreams, and prayers for him?   3-words: I TRUST GOD!  He has answered prayers concerning my son and allowed me to see HIS hopes and dreams come alive thus far.   I have been dealing with a cancer diagnosis since last year. I made it my goal to keep pushing and stay strong so the diagnosis would not overtake me. What advice would you give to women who may have experienced a life event or day that tried to bring them down, so they can be empowered to hold on and not fold?   First, let me say, that while I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, I am happy and proud of you for continuing to push through it and stay strong! My advice is sometimes you just have to decide to make YOURSELF strong because, there will be situations and circumstances where, literally, that is all you can do.   Exactly! You will either crawl in bed and let the weight hold you there or get up and fight and keep moving. Especially during a pandemic when people are already isolated. Mental health is real. Women already carry so much, and it can be difficult but reaching the finish line and getting to complete healing and restoration in whatever life has thrown you is the goal. How do you measure “connection”?

Let me say that I had to first learn what it wasn’t in order to learn what it was enough to measure it. In my humble opinion, connection requires commitment. To put it plainly, I had to be vulnerable. That process for me was very scary, but through it all I learned that I couldn’t really optimize my connections to others if I myself wasn’t willing to be open, honest, go deep, and ‘expose’ myself and things I felt ashamed of. In other words, I had to be authentic. I couldn’t say that I believed in love and intimacy, but run from it. Authenticity is currency for meaningful relationships! The great thing for me is that my hard work in that area is paying off!  I’m sharing space with those who want to honestly share space with me. We are all looking for love and acceptance. I believe each and every one of us are worthy of that.   When you think about it, would you say most of your posts come from what you know, what you learned or what you want from life?   All 3! However, the most important thing was to identify what I DIDN’T want. Everything else has worked itself around that.   See there you go again. Identifying what you didn’t want. #lenasaidit Tell us what you like to do outside of dropping knowledge bombs on the internet?   HAHA! ‘Knowledge bombs!!’ I like that! Outside of the occasional jewel or nugget-dropping I love spending time with family and friends. My new hobby is cooking! I really enjoy that now! I became a self-proclaimed ‘chef’ during COVID!   I really want you to start a blog, write a book, do a podcast…something so more can encounter your vibe. What’s stopping you from sharing your gift? Thinking that I have to be ‘perfect’ at it. Even as an adult I am still working on that!   You are perfectly imperfect like the rest of us. Do you know how many people who are not anywhere near perfect are out here doing the most? Your transparency is relatable. Your imperfection is relatable. There are people at rock bottom who still can inspire others. Don’t let that the streaks you can’t get out dull your window to others.  Trust me when I say that I won’t judge you if you inspire me one minute and call me to ride shotgun while you toilet paper your boss’s car the next! 😊 What are you most proud of?   Easy answer! My son! He is such an inspiration and a blessing to me whole entire life! Although he is an adult, I still see him as God’s way of clearly letting me know that no matter how many mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’ve at least gotten one thing right!   I’m going to give you a few topics to select from and I want you to select one and just speak on that for a moment.        I choose NEW BEGINNINGS. First, it’s totally fine to start small, but NEVER underestimate the power YOU have to take your life in a whole new direction.   I am a big lover of the Lotus flower. For years, I have had it as my profile cover on Facebook and I now wear a ring with the flower on it. I love it so much because of what it represents: enlightenment, self-regeneration, and rebirth. It’s the perfect analogy for the human condition: even when its roots are in the dirtiest of waters, the Lotus produces the most beautiful flower. To this day, it is a constant visual reminder for me that life is not perfect and that it never will be, but as long as I keep my heart open to what the world can show me, even when I’m scared and feeling terrified about doing so, life can still be beautiful.   Are you an avid reader? If so tell us the last book you read.  The last book I read was The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. It is one of my favorites.    If your life was a movie, what would the title be? It would be an independent film called ‘A Kept Woman.’  It would show what happens when I am the director of my own story. I would fail and ruin things by trying to be in complete and total control of my own life. However, as the movie went on, it would ultimately show that my life wasn’t a complete failure because I am still in GOD’S story as He is the larger storyteller working His own craft in my life. The film might flop at the box office and get panned by the critics, but it would be truer than any other kind of film out there!   Lastly, how do you maintain your happy?  I try to stay in a thankful and grateful state of mind realizing that I have a lot to be happy about. I am a HUGE advocate for practicing self-care. I am being very intentional about doing things with and being around those who make ME happy. I also make it a practice to limit the amount of time I engage on social media. I have days where I light candles and listen to music that takes me back to happy times in my younger days or music that helps me meditate and just ‘be’ in the moment. It works every time.   Thank you so much for sharing your journey. If readers want to follow you online, where can they?  On Facebook: The Happy Movement, LLC   On IG: @the_happymvmt