Who Told You to Keep All That to Yourself?

 

 

You can talk somebody else into believing in herself.

You’ll remind her what she’s accomplished, tell her why she’s qualified, and send her the application with a message that says, “This has your name on it.”

But when it’s your turn?

“I don’t know.”

“I’m probably not ready.”

“I need to get my confidence up first.”

Hold on. What happened to the woman who had all that conviction five minutes ago?

Before you decide you have a confidence problem, ask yourself what makes talking about your own abilities so uncomfortable.

Do you doubt what you can do? Or do you worry about what people will think when you say it?

That answer matters.

Somebody’s opinion may still be running the meeting

“You think you’re all that?”

For some women, that question goes back years. A classroom. A family gathering. A workplace where doing well was acceptable as long as you didn’t appear to know it.

You learned to soften good news. Laugh off a compliment. Mention an accomplishment quickly, then change the subject before somebody could accuse you of feeling yourself.

Now you’re grown, experienced, and interested in bigger opportunities, but still checking whether everybody is comfortable with you wanting them.

You might even hear a particular person’s voice when you consider speaking up.

Be honest about whose voice it is. Then consider whether that person has earned the authority you keep giving them.

Someone who mocked your ambition ten years ago does not need to approve your next move.

You keep making people guess

At a networking event, someone asks what you do.

You give them a title and move on. You never mention the program you built, the business you’re growing, or the work you’d like to do next.

Then you go home disappointed that nothing came from the conversation.

What did you give them to work with?

A meaningful connection needs somewhere to begin. Tell people what interests you. Explain a problem you know how to solve. Ask about their work, and let them hear something real about yours.

You don’t need to turn every introduction into a pitch. But you can give a fuller answer than “Oh, a little bit of everything.”

Try: “Most of my experience is in operations. I’m especially good at finding where a process breaks down and getting it working again.”

Now someone has a question to ask. They may have an experience to share. They might remember you when that expertise comes up.

Let them meet you.

“I was just doing my job” leaves out a lot

Maybe you were doing your job.

You were also making decisions, resolving problems, training people, managing resources, or keeping something going through a difficult stretch.

Being paid to contribute doesn’t make the contribution disappear.

If you want to lead, get comfortable explaining what you’ve taken responsibility for and how you handled it. Give other people credit. Be accurate about your role. Include yourself in the account.

There is a whole lot of room between taking credit for everything and pretending you contributed nothing.

Find your place there.

Get specific about what you need

“I need more confidence” can become a waiting room with no exit.

What would actually make the next step easier?

If you struggle to introduce yourself, prepare a few sentences and practice saying them.

If you get nervous on camera, start with a short answer to a question you know well.

If you want greater responsibility, find out what the role requires and identify where you need more experience.

If you keep forgetting your accomplishments, keep a record while the details are fresh.

Specific problems give you something to work on. Calling yourself “not confident” can make the whole thing feel like a flaw in who you are.

You deserve a more useful explanation than that.

One disappointing season cannot account for your whole life

A layoff can shake you. So can a failed business, a rejected application, or a room where your contribution went unacknowledged.

You don’t have to pretend those experiences didn’t hurt.

But when you’re ready to decide what comes next, bring more than the disappointment to the table. Bring the skills, relationships, judgment, and experience you still have.

What happened deserves attention. So does everything you accomplished before it.

And be careful about making yourself responsible for every closed door. Bias, poor leadership, and limited opportunities exist. You can work on how you present yourself without accepting blame for somebody else’s unfairness.

Give yourself a fair introduction

You may have something to learn before your next opportunity. You may need preparation, support, or practice. Most of us do.

You can acknowledge that and still speak clearly about what you already bring.

This week, notice where you take something back.

The accomplishment followed by “but it wasn’t that big.”

The idea introduced with “this might sound stupid.”

The ambition you turn into a joke because saying it seriously feels too exposed.

Try leaving the disclaimer off. Let your words sit there long enough for someone to hear them.

You’ve spent enough time making a strong case for everybody else.

When it’s your turn, give yourself the same consideration.

And if somebody asks, “Who do you think you are?”

Have an answer.