Necole F. Turner knows herself, her worth and her beauty. But that hasn’t always been the case. She struggled in relationships with other women, wearing a constant cocoon of feelings of inferiority. Once she decided to conquer her own issues, she emerged as a woman on a mission to help other women and girls who may be suffering with those same negative feelings. Spreading her wings, Necole wants every female to “know their beauty” and flourish in their true light. Let’s meet her.
Explain to our readers your platform message of “Empowering Women to Know Their Beauty.” For a long time, I did not know that I was beautiful. I did not grow up hearing that from any women in my life. I was attending a church in Alabama and there was a lady there who used to greet me “Hello Beautiful” each time that she saw me. I don’t think she ever knew how much that meant to me or the impact that it had on my life. But from that day forward I promised myself that I would greet every woman with a positive affirmation such as “Hello Beautiful.” You never know what that can do for another woman to hear that being spoken to them. As a result, I wanted to bring that message of “beautiful” to every woman, much like the “Butterfly Effect”, causing a change of energy in YOUR life that it is felt around the world so another woman would want to experience it too.
Can you share how not feeling beautiful hindering your friendships with other women? What were you seeing in the relationships that was reflecting back upon you that made you feel inferior based on your looks or personality (which is also a part of overall beauty) or brought negative thoughts about yourself to light? I am a big believer of what we feel on the inside is projected outward. If I am not feeling positive or good about myself…then how can I feel comfortable around other women? To me confidence is something that is developed from the inside out. We radiate confidence if we feel good about ourselves. If we feel good about ourselves then we are able to be that way with others and not feel the draw to feel inadequate or envious. What I was seeing in the mirror was not a true reflection of what I was feeling on the outside.
Where did that negativity come from? Tell us about your relationship with family where you were not getting those positive affirmations? What would you say to young girls in the same situation where they may not be getting that in their home environment on how to encourage themselves, love themselves and walk in their own positive affirmations? I was raised in a single parent family. My parents were divorced when I was 11 and I was in a broken home that was dysfunctional and chaotic so there was not a whole lot of time for hugs and positive reinforcement that a child needs. I raised my younger siblings because my mom worked, so for a young girl…that was a lot on top of having to take care of yourself. I did have a couple of aunts and an uncle that made sure that I had the essentials and made sure that I felt encouraged in school. In school is where I excelled and I stayed busy and hung around other kids who were doing the things I wanted to do. This saved my life. I focused on what I did not want in life and that propelled me to how I envisioned it to be. So I chose to work hard to get out of that toxic environment. Later on when I was married and had children, those old feelings resurfaced because I just buried them in “being busy” when I was younger, so I ate for comfort and gained a lot of weight. This was only a physical response to unresolved issues. Eventually, I got help for the emotional side which helped me get my body back together.
Did this also affect your relationships with men? If not, why not? It certainly did, as with any young woman, I made mistakes but what I did teach me was what I did not want in relationships. It gave a good picture of who not to choose and trust your gut when something does not seem right in a relationship.
What was your AHA moment when you knew you had changed for the better? One morning 5 years ago I woke with heart palpitations and decided that was the day that I would get healthy. So, I called a trainer I saw on TV and lost 60 pounds, hence “The Butterfly” was born…embrace change, transition forward and become authentic is my motto. Life is short like the butterfly so make positive effectual change to make your life the way you want it before your time is up.
Describe-without names-one healthy friendship with a female you have now in your social circle, how you met and how you encourage each other now and then in reverse tell us how things would have played out in the years before had you met before you fixed your own internal issues? I have a couple of relationships that exemplify friendship. One thing that works is that we respect each other’s individuality and boundaries without judgment. I met these beautiful women through working out and by chance meetings. We may not talk often but we are there to encourage and be there in times when there is difficulty. Years ago I would not have been mature enough to receive what they have given me…the space and freedom to be myself without reservation.
Did it take someone else pointing out to you that you were not able to maintain friends or did you see it yourself? What I found that each relationship that I thought was a good friendship dissolved. Now we all think that naturally it is the other person. But to eliminate that possibility, if you will, I set out on a journey of self-examination to make sure that I had myself all the way together before embarking on the friendship journey. What I found is that got to check yourself first before looking at others.
What major points would the letter to your 16-year old self knowing what you know now emphasize? I would say, “Dear Beautiful, it has been a long journey to get to this appointed place and time. There will be times of pain, insecurity, hurt and uncertainty. But know that all these things were necessary for you to become who you were meant to be. You have so much to give the world and when you arrive others will wonder how you got here but you will know that you meant to be here all along. So be patient and know that HE who has begun a good work in you will complete it!
Do you advocate for young girls with any particular organizations and/or speak to and network with any schools? Yes, I am kicking off a program in the fall with some schools in the metro Atlanta area called “The Beautiful Butterfly Project”. I also work with colleges to help students develop life and leadership skills through becoming confident in who they are.
Tell us about your book. Reflections of The Butterfly: Affirmations of Empowerment is a compilation of what I call “ten years in my wilderness”. The book has ten chapters that speak to different points in my life. Throughout the book I offer a personal story, affirmations and encouragement to the reader in hopes that the reader would see a little of themselves in my story. I wrote the book from my journaling and out of frustration of failed friendships with other women. Change and transformation is a common theme and being able to discover the true spirit of who you are is the goal of the book…in essence a butterfly.
Anything to add? I want EVERY woman to live life to the fullest and GO GET IT!
For more information, visit www.innovativebutterfly.com.
Do you know that you are Beautiful? Well you are…OWN IT! Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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