Many women carry around their inability to forgive like a new clutch. We relive and replay a past hurt over and over in our heads and attach what if’s and why not’s to it, which only makes it heavier. Whether its family, friends or that ex who wounded your spirit, we all could use a lesson in letting go and moving on without the burden of waiting for an apology that will never come.
Have you ever remembered something someone did to you and it could have been well over 20 years ago and you run into them and while they know you were not on good terms they can’t remember why? But you do. And you feel some type of way because they forgot it so easily. Or that ex-husband who belittled you, or fought you tooth and nail for custody out of spite because you found out about their affair. And he never said sorry. You stand and pose for wedding photos at the weddings of the children you share and he never once-even in his newfound goodness and restoration and “I found Jesus” years-never once just called and said “I’m sorry.” And you think you need it.
Everything in you is saying, “I deserve that apology!” You wonder how they could do someone like they did you and sleep at night. Honey, they are sleeping just fine. And you should be too. How you ask? By accepting the fact that there will be people who will not always treat you right and some of those people will NEVER see the error in their ways. Now some will, but that does not mean the first- or last- thing on their bucket list will be stomping to your front door to say, “OOPS, Did I do that?” Some people don’t even realize how deep that knife cut you. Sometimes they are just repeating the behaviors cast down on them in the past. And that’s not an excuse, it’s just facts. But sometimes it’s not that deep. They see you living, laughing and doing you and figure it was just a small bump for you too. And take note that there will be some people who just simple won’t care. They will see things the way they want to see them and sometimes that sugarcoats things for them. It wasn’t that bad was it?
The miscarriage you had when he pushed you down the stairs is minimized because well, “he lost a child too.” The friend who lied on you, stole from you, or kicked you to the curb for some new friends in college is out there living and doing it up and how dare they do that while you are still simmering over here. HOW DARE THEY RIGHT?
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.”
– Robert Brault
No, how dare you. How dare you let their bullshit weigh you down. How dare you not love yourself enough to say, “I’m ok and I know what happened and I am over it.” How dare you to let your JOY depend on someone else’s actions and disobedience to what YOU think they should do?
Sometimes your JOY is hidden in FORGIVENESS. Stop worrying about what they took from you, or did to you and focus on what you can GIVE to them. Give them their forgiveness papers. Let them walk. Pray for them. Pray for healing for yourself and then be ready to walk away. From the hurt, the pain, the venom, the anger, from what happened, from what didn’t happen and from the apology you will never receive. And then run into living a fulfilled life free from “back then”. You have to live now.
While dragging all that behind you, you aren’t truly living. Its living with conditions. Forgive yourself for wasting so much precious time on it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I’m sorry” for holding on to something you should have let go of long ago. It’s your journey to take and your choice to make. Stop looking out the window and waiting anxiously for that doorbell announcing the sorry you will never hear. Choose Forgiveness. Get out there, be free and live.
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