How to Save Yourself When Doing Life Solo
In the past when I would encounter people who had no source of help in their immediate circle to a situation, I would always be surprised. I couldn’t relate. I would think, there has to be someone they can call. Now I know better. Now I know how that feels. While a lot of mine is because of pride, I can relate just the same. But let’s be clear, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. And here’s why.
It’s the reality check you needed. You were in that “safe” bubble. Never missed a bill. Never been laid off and exhausted your unemployment because you were not able to even get a job at the local McDonalds. Never had a car repossessed. Never evicted from anywhere. Never having to not eat for a few days because your account was in the negative. You never had to spend a night in your car or sleep on a friend’s sofa or watch a husband walk out and leave you and 3 kids with no source of income. So this blow was a big heap of truth. That cushy life void of imperfection hadn’t prepared you for this. You may have even looked down on others when it happened to them. Like how did they let that happen? Why can’t they get a job? My ends meet so why can’t theirs? Well life happens to you and all of a sudden you can answer those questions. Except now you are sitting in the floor staring in the mirror and asking yourself.
“What tries to demolish you, will polish you.”- India Arie
You need to grow the hell up. You depended on others too much. Some might even call you a spoiled brat. Momma, Daddy or Grandma fixed every hiccup you have ever encountered. Then your spouse picked up the same duties. You barely know how to turn on a stove or balance a checkbook. But you do know the latest fashion styles and where to shop, eat and travel too. You don’t know where your oil goes in your car or what that red light means but if it breaks down by golly someone better fix it so you can continue your drama free life. Yeah, this is you.
To get to this point you probably discovered some friend and family ties are not that strong. There isn’t a happy ending to this. You realized your favorite Auntie, parents or siblings simply don’t want to be bothered with your problems. Whether repeated problems or new, they don’t want to be involved and they simply don’t care. They can hear you are sleeping under an overpass, and instead of help they will just find another route to the mall so they don’t have to run into you. It hurts to know they don’t care about your struggles. Maybe they are suffering from some of the things in 1 and 2. Either way you realize that unconditional love doesn’t always flow family members. You are on your own, the lone apple on the ground under the family tree. It’s good to know in advance who you can lean on when the chips are down. Being prepared is key.
You step up your grind. Well some people lay down and crumble during these times, many step their hustles up. They have no problem working 4 jobs, selling everything they own and starting over or cutting down on some or all of life’s luxuries like phones, cable, cars or even auctioning off a couple of kids. Just kidding.
Fighting your way from the bottom makes you stronger. Hey the best part of falling down is getting up. There is no greater feeling than recovering from a major setback. Whether an illness, financial hardship or horrid divorce, when you find yourself standing on your own two feet again, the joy you feel can’t be contained. When you think back to where you were and see where you are now, your heart swells because YOU DID IT! And you did it with no help. A few prayers. A little luck. A ton of miracles and look at you. Right back where you belong. And ready to take on the world.
And you may not feel very powerful at first. You have to get through it first. You have to feel that stability under your feet again. You find yourself leaning on faith instead of people. But trust me when you make your comeback you will pat yourself on the back for making it by yourself. Maybe with a lot less things, but a whole lot of lessons and better because of it.