You Can Survive and Thrive

 

You Can Survive and Thrive

Surviving the trauma of childhood domestic abuse alone seems like a herculean task. Thriving? That seems downright impossible. Childhood domestic violence is when you grow up in a home where there’s violence between parents or toward a parent, perhaps by a significant other.

Around 1 in 5 children have been exposed to CDV.

 

Surviving means, “to continue to live or exist,” while thrive can be defined as “to grow or develop well, to prosper or to flourish.” As bleak as the future might look, there is a chance, not only to survive but to thrive. A lot of survivors of childhood domestic violence often come out of it wondering if there’s hope or worse yet, thinking that there is no hope. They often think healing from years and years of trauma is impossible. Let me dispel such thoughts from the beginning. There is hope. Healing is possible. As a survivor, I know that surviving from day to day isn’t the All All of life. You can not only survive, but you can thrive!

Statistics show 50% of children who witnessed domestic violence are more likely to turn to certain vices ex: drug or alcohol as a coping mechanism to help the adults to deal with the pain and memories. Witnessing violence as a child is associated with adults having depression, trauma-related symptoms and low self-esteem among women and trauma-related symptoms among men.

If you’ve been struggling for a while, it’s not too late. Surviving and Thriving is different for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all mold that everyone can follow but there are certain factors that are common to all survivors. Having them in place goes a long way to help on the journey. Here are some steps to grow.

Positive Mindset

John 14:27

“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (NLT)

You need to make a conscious effort to maintain a positive mindset. The worst of it is over and if you can overcome a situation and still alive to tell it, then you will thrive. This seems to be the easiest step in the process but it is often the hardest. Consciously and thoroughly rid yourself of all those negative emotions of self-loathing and loss. Give yourself time to grieve and consciously start the process of loving yourself.

Each day that rises, picture the person you want to become, picture your future and use it as a motivation to propel yourself through the daily challenges you will face. You are a work in progress, not broken, not shattered beyond repair but a work in progress.  Give yourself a chance to love yourself.

Practical Moves

James 2:17

Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

New King James Version (NKJV)

A determination to make it work isn’t enough. You have to put in the work on the practical aspects. Dreaming and visualizing a future is admirable but now it’s time to put in work.

Firstly, you have to set goals in all spheres of your life. Having in mind exactly what you want to do, give a sense of security especially in the uncertain aspects of your future. Set attainable goals. Write those goals down all over the house if you have to. Break down your goals into single sentence affirmations, that you repeat to yourself daily. In setting goals, you have to have patience. Healing & Thriving is a process that happens over time. Understand that some days will be better than others. That is why goals are so necessary, to remind yourself on those difficult days.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to see a change right away, with a healthy amount of vision the sky is the limit when it comes to anything you want to achieve. Explore in this time of growing, take new courses offered, take up a new hobby, or start that new business you’ve dreamed of.  Always remember, growth takes time.

Secondly, reevaluate your personal circle. Surround yourself with people who love and cherish you. A support system will be what you will rely on during those hard days or hard times. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re going through life on your own. Nobody is an island. Get Support, Help, and a Community. Create a personal space that makes you happy. Put in place measures to ensure that you have a safe space to call your own. Exercise, eat healthily and take time out to spoil yourself even if it’s just your favorite chocolates or a new lipstick you couldn’t resist. Don’t feel guilty for taking life’s little pleasures in.

Thrive!

Job 14:7-9 ESV

“For there is hope for a tree if its to be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grows old in the earth, and its stump dies in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant.

Embracing the survivor in you have set you on a path to growth. These things are not easy but with the right spirit and the knowledge that you are a resilient tree, with its roots planted deep into the earth, you will thrive. Embrace every aspect of the journey. Hold on during the bad days and live, laugh and love as fiercely as a diamond in the sun.

 

No instance of domestic violence is justifiable and it’s never your fault. If you are dealing with domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).