WARNING: Men Beware, This Article Is for Women Only by Billie Bowe

WARNING: Men Beware, This Article Is for Women Only
By Billie Bowe

My inspiration for this article came from a book I read about five years ago entitled, Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office 101, Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers authored by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D. The book is easy to read and contains some sage advice for the career-minded woman. My approach to the topic however, will be slightly different from that of the author’s.

Whether we are mothers or not, as women, the delicate balance still remains when it comes to how we are perceived in the workplace or in business. Either we are too nice and therefore may be viewed as weak, or we are too outspoken and therefore be perceived as being too aggressive. Some women who are viewed as too aggressive may even be “labeled” using terms quite inappropriate for print or online media. My alpha female readers out there, you know what I’m talking about. Nevertheless, there is much value in understanding how we are perceived as working professionals.

I can speak from experience that it’s better to be viewed as “outspoken” rather than too nice or weak. For those who know me, I consider myself to be the utmost professional so when I say outspoken, I’m not speaking in terms of being a bull in a china shop. I am speaking in terms of our ability to be assertive, firm, competent, decisive, especially when it comes to making difficult decisions, and more importantly to know what we are talking about! A woman can lose credibility pretty quickly if she is seen as outspoken but lacks substance.

The level of confidence we exemplify should come from a place of mastery or expertise in our area of work or business. We must be at the level of confidence where we are unafraid to put forward our ideas, challenge the status quo, meanwhile never losing sight of our uniqueness as women. We are not men so why try to act like men at work.

An article that appeared in the Harvard Business Review, entitled Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers1, addresses the topic of women, leadership and the unique challenges women are now facing in the corporate world. Women are still viewed as caregivers but when given opportunities to advance, many assimilate by behaving similarly to men, especially in male dominated fields. This assimilation again leads to a perception of being too aggressive. On the other hand, women who use a less “male” approach, can be perceived as too indecisive or emotional. Therefore, women have to strike a perfect balance in order to not be over looked or negatively perceived in the workplace. Ironically, men are now having to learn and practice more “emotionally intelligent” behaviours as aggressive styles of leadership have been found to be counter productive and less effective.

Working mothers face a particularly difficult challenge as we may forever be under scrutiny by an employer who may still be stuck in the past when women didn’t have the right to vote. For progressive employers, those who assess performance based on specific behaviors evidenced by outstanding results, this is a non-issue. Sadly, however, we see more employers and in many cases the person to whom we report, using subjectivity rather than objectivity when assessing our level of competence.

As working mothers we are not looking for special treatment but truth be told there may be an undertone that we are. Could we unknowingly be sending signals that we do expect special treatment? Here are two prime examples that, however insignificant they may be, may impact the way we are perceived at work.

The first has to do with our motherly duties, which often coincide with our professional career, like school drop-offs and pick-ups. Now, I’m a self-employed mother with the flexibility, although not always, to work my schedule around these periods. I truly enjoy those car rides together with my daughter. But there was a time when I was not “calling my own shots” and my feelings around school pick-ups were akin to choosing between getting an arm amputated or going on a trip to Paris. What will my employer think? Will the time I take, even if granted, be held against me should a promotion become available? If you’ve never had these thoughts then you must be working for one of those 21st century employers.

Feeling guilty about having to maintain some work life balance should never happen yet it does. Not so much the time away, but feeling you’re missing out on advancing your career as a result. This can be perceived in a negative way. If you know your worth, and your employer has given you no indication that they do not value your contribution, then shake it off.

The second example has to do with pregnancy. There are laws to protect women who are pregnant as there should be, however pregnancy is not an illness. I am not being insensitive here. I have two children and have actually left a job in the past due to an employer who did not respect the precious little maternity leave we receive, by asking me to leave my three weeks old baby at home to organize a business conference. I resigned right there on the spot. Having said that, barring any complications, we are fully capable of performing our jobs efficiently. The possible adverse effects we may not be considering when working while pregnant is actually expecting special treatment. Truth be told, you may be working for a company where competence is not valued, so if you don’t need to be out due to morning sickness, or you can still perform your job as long as your safety and that of your unborn child is not at risk, then work and work with the same level of competence as you would if you were not pregnant.

Yes, society has a subtle way of making working mothers feel guilty for wanting to advance their careers while maintaining healthy family relationships, but women need not succumb to what society thinks. In fact, we should not allow anyone to impact how we feel. We are women of strength. We can raise a family and be successful in our careers. Perhaps we need not try to convince society of this, but ourselves.

Endnote

1 HBR September 2013, Women Rising: The Unseen Barriers

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