May This Day Bring You Rest and Peace
Those were the words posted on her last Instagram post. The apparent suicide of Former Miss USA (2019) Cheslie Kryst, whose death dominated the hearts and minds of women all over who were simply sad over the fact that we lost one of our own. In 2022, mental health no longer carries the heaviest of stigmata like it used to. Women now actively seek out lifestyles that are filled with more self-care, therapy, and love and less chaos and bullshit.
But what happens when we can’t pull ourselves out of the darkness that is depression and focus on the love, in whatever form it may come, that can sustain us and nurture our souls? How do we know when to reach out for help and stop self-advocating alone? Many women have learned to continue to function while being in the throes of severe depression. We maintain careers, significant others, families, businesses, and friendships – all with a smile while suffering in silence. Even, if they share, they may not share the full weight it is playing in their lives.
Maybe their support circle is not as supportive as they “think” they are. You all have that friend or relative who asks you how you’re doing but you the feeling that they don’t really want to know about the bad stuff. Hell, maybe they are depending on you because you’re the strong friend and they don’t know how to get in the trenches with you when you need them to. There have to be coping mechanisms that work for you. There are so many things that can take you there — grief, toxic relationships or family situations, career and financial stress, medical issues, or mental health issues that require more than a session on someone’s couch. Here are some ways to pull yourself up and out of the foolery that is depression and keep it moving.
- Tell someone who cares and believes in your struggle. This sounds simple, right? Not always. Many women may feel like they don’t have anyone, no matter how many people they are surrounded by. You can feel like everyone lives in an unrelatable bubble and can’t relate to your issues. They may have the exact same issues but women spend too much time hiding. If you can go on vacation with them, you should be able to call them and tell them you’re struggling mentally and need some backup. If not, you need to evaluate your circle and make some cuts to the team.
- Get some rest. Women tend to run on E. We juggle. We stress. We say yes to everything, everyone, and every event. We don’t know how to sit, be still and restore our minds and bodies with sound and consistent sleep. And rest can also come in the form of rest from certain activities, people, places, and things that only serve to add to your sadness. This could be refraining from social media, the news, that negative Nancy in your circle, or your nagging Mother who asks when you’re going to get married. Use that PTO and get away from your boss and co-workers that you can’t figure out how they got their jobs in the first place. Send the hubby and kids on an excursion or better yet get you a hotel room and leave all of their asses at home and flee to your own self-made sanctuary. Go home to your parents or relative who holds you together. Eat healthier. Exercise. Whatever you need. Find those things you need to “rest” and take the time to build yourself back up.
- Protect your Peace. Look, people are batshit crazy out here. This pandemic. The world in general. The economy. It’s wild out here. We are dodging more chaos than usual and based on what I see on the news, it’s not working out well for many. And while we can all build a bullshit bunker and hide from everything life is throwing at us, we do have to have some discernment on the things that trigger us into despair and learn to pivot around and through the nonsense. If being an accountant is draining your spirit daily, then sis you need a career change. Who cares that you have done it for 20 years? If Jimmy has plucked every reserve nerve you have, maybe you need to kick him to the curve. You’re on baby #3 and Ricardo hasn’t proposed yet or learned to stop dipping his eggplant in the entire community, then maybe you need to cut ties because you want to get married and monogamy is important to you. You have to learn how to adjust your crown, flip that shield up and block it all as run back to your peace. Don’t look back girl, they might make eye contact and those things and people will make you think you can’t live without them. But you can indeed change your career, your significant other, and your life anytime you damn well please its eating away at your peace.
- Stop chasing people and things that either don’t chase you or no longer serve you. If your business is failing and you want to go back to work, GO! If being a millionaire by 30 or retired by 40 isn’t something you’re vested in working towards that’s ok too. If Susan never visits you because there is always something keeping her from doing so then stop showing up for all her events. And her children’s events. And her husbands’ events. Tell Susan gas is way too high to be wasting your time. Stay home and read a book. Go have a full spa day. Go to Target and come out $300 poorer and try to figure out what you bought considering you were just there last week and spent the same. Your manager or job doesn’t value your opinion or expertise? Start applying for new jobs or even find something remote. If the pandemic has done nothing else it has created a wide variety of remote opportunities. The area you live in just not doing it for you anymore? Consider relocating. Maybe being an active member of your sorority is wearing you out and you need a break. Or are you trying to be SUPER PARENT and be on every committee and chaperone every field trip at your kids’ school because you don’t want anyone to imply you’re not doing a good job? Girl, damn those people. Stop chasing the bag, the in-crowd, the finances, and the lifestyles of others. Do you.
This is just a shortlist. But just remember that you have value and you are worthy of being happy if you give yourself the grace to do so. Forgive yourself. Hug yourself with actions. Honor you. Pop your own collar and pat yourself on the back. Equip yourself to create days where maintaining your rest and peace are at the top of your to-do list. But most of all make it to another day. We need you.
