MOTHER + TRANSFORMER + SISTER FRIEND. Tina C. Hines wants to meet you. No, not that version of you that goes about your day living a life that is not your own. But YOU, the inner woman that’s waiting to break through that shell and allow you to live your best life.
As a Life Transformation Specialist,Tina has the ability to connect and empower women throughout their personal journey and bring them out of dormancy. Using her own experiences and healing as a backdrop and motivation she is bring other women into their new beings.
For women who are not familiar with what you do, tell us how does one determine that they have an inner woman that they have lost connection with?
I typically ask a woman to first revisit her childhood or young adult self to explore activities she once enjoyed but no longer engages in because of life’s challenges. I then encourage her to fully express how that self-examination makes her feel on the inside.
Can you give us some examples of ways that this usually shows up in a woman’s life that may go unrecognized?
When some women are no longer actively enjoying their lives, different emotions come into play. They feel a sense of loss because the drive and energy that they used to have has dissipated. On the surface, they may appear as if all is okay. However, internally they are experiencing a turmoil that they don’t allow (or want) others to see. When this happens, they sometimes retreat to their homes, often to their bedrooms, hoping that it is just a passing phase.
How do you maintain your own balance of inner peace so that you are able to help others reach theirs?
Meditation is very essential to maintaining my balance of inner peace. It is equally important that I take the time to sit in silence. By doing this, I am able to check-in with my inner voice and consistently infuse it with a sense of calm. This sense of calm prevails when I am meeting with my clients or speaking to a group.
What catalyst helped you find your own inner woman and how did that translate for you that it was something you could possibly help others with?
After spending time in the Caribbean doing some soul-searching, I recognized that I was no longer the happy-go-lucky Tina I once felt. This led me to the challenge of identifying who Tina truly was other than being a mother, daughter, friend and professional. I joined a 21-day guided meditation group and read The Power of Mentorship; Finding Your Passion. So much inside of me began to spill forth. One of the turns of events was my recognizing that I always possessed a passion for finding ways to help women become truly happy, not only externally but internally. My friends had shared that I often give of myself unconditionally without any extra effort. More importantly, I recognized that I was not the only woman in this world who has faced challenges. In essence, my spirit is in sync with theirs in some form or fashion. There was no doubt that if I could successfully help myself out of a negative space, I could share my gift with others to assist them in navigating out of their negative space as well.
How do you handle not being able to connect? What alternate steps are in place to be able to help women who may not connect with you in “your” manner but who ultimately still need your help?
Recognizing that I am not able to assist everyone who reaches out to me for my services, I do not interpret this as a negative. What is ultimately important to me is that the client receives the assistance that they seek. There have been occasions when my clients have required assistance that was not within my area of expertise. When I encounter clients with this type of need, I refer them to someone with more experience in their type of problems.
Give us a brief career synopsis?
I started my life transformation specialist career ‘officially’ three years ago. During this time I had the opportunity to appear in the New York Times, on Good Morning America and more recently to co-author a book. I have also published articles and have been interviewed on several blog talk radio shows. In addition, I host a yearly retreat in the Caribbean for women – “Remember Me.”
Do you work outside of your organization now?
Yes, I work outside of my organization. I have been in the administrative field for over 28 years, and I currently manage the Office of the President and CEO of one of the largest foundations in the United States.
NUGGET QUESTION: What advice would you give to a married woman who feels she has lost herself in her career, marriage and motherhood? While happy in general with her life, her day to day revolves completely around other people, how can she reconnect with herself and her needs and even her friends?
I recently spoke to a group of women in Anguilla and asked them what they missed doing. One attendee said she missed going out with her friends. She was newly married and stopped going out as she used to do before her marriage. I encouraged her to reconnect with her friends and start enjoying their company again. “Going out” does not necessarily mean going to a club or bar. Instead, you can meet friends for a meal, a movie, or just a walk in the park. I encourage women to avoid engaging in activities that don’t bring them personal joy. It’s very important not to lose their sense of self. Instead, I advise them to continue to venture out and perhaps identify new experiences that will make them feel more fulfilled. Often we think that we need to be around a lot of people in order to feel happy. However, you can also have that same experience alone doing what you want to do without being questioned.
You co-authored a book where you talked about suicide and depression struggles. What major hardships, internally and externally, have you overcome in your life?
In the book I shared a personal story of defeating depression. This goes back to my travelling to the Caribbean to do my soul-searching. How did I get to that space of depression? My mother had taken ill, and I had to drop everything that was normal to me to take care of her for six weeks. When I returned home I was physically and mentally drained. My self-imposed retreat to the Caribbean provided me with the space of peace that I needed in order to rejuvenate myself as well as reconnect with the side of me that felt lost. Another hardship I experienced in my life was when someone broke into my home over 14 years ago (while my son and I were home) and attempted to rape. This event is forever etched in my mind; however, I refuse to allow it to prevent me from living my life to the fullest. I chose not to focus on the actions that took place but more on the actions that did not take place. The intruder did not physically harm me and my son was safe. As far as the mental side of the experience, I retain that experience in order to assist other women who have had similar experiences.
You have mentioned before about the experience of raising your son into adulthood. How did having your son change you and your life?
Having my son at a young age forced me to grow up quicker than I had anticipated. No longer was I just responsible for me. I was responsible for another human being who depended on me to nurture and provide for him. Because I am his sole provider, I pushed myself to the extreme in my career. I consistently took on challenges that allowed me to grow in my profession. However, there was one goal that I placed on the back burner – and that was earning my degree. It was challenging enough for me to work a full-time job and also be a full-time parent. Therefore, I delayed my education for many years, but I ultimately earned my degree in business administration when I was 41. I can honestly say that my son has been my inspiration.
What was your biggest struggle as a mother and how did you get through it?
My biggest struggle as a mother was being a single parent and having to take this journey alone. I know there are many single mothers in the world, and the job we have is not an easy one. If anyone says it is easy, they are lying to themselves. In addition to being a single mother, I was a single mother to a child with a learning disability. BUT, the one thing I have said many times is that I was meant to have my son because we are two special people together. In my son’s 27 years on this earth there have naturally been “ups and downs,” but I feel that I would not have been able to get through it without the help of my family and friends.
Although some people did not comprehend the nature of his disability, it never mattered to them. They were there whenever I needed a listening ear or if I needed a break. They even provided me with a little tough love at times. If it were not for the special people in my life, who are all considered my family, getting through those toughs time would have been more challenging than they were.
Do you have a bestfriend or sister?
I am an only child. However, I have a few very close female friends that I consider my “sisters.”
How do you connect with them without diagnosing what you may perceive as an internal struggle they may have going on?
This is a very good question. At times, it is challenging to turn the work side of me off when we are discussing some of their personal struggles. Initially I would immediately turn on “Life Transformation Specialist Tina” whenever a conversation entered into the territory of a personal nature. However, after several heart-to-heart discussions, we agreed that I would ask which person they wanted to respond – “Their Friend Tina” or “Transformation Tina.” By asking that question, it became easier to know which hat I to wear.
How do you turn off “Transformation Tina” and just connect with yourself?
The women I work with share intimate details of their lives. Although I retain paper notes, I mentally release the information shared through a few rituals like envisioning a hole that goes through my abdomen. Instead of the information staying inside, it passes through. By performing these exercises, I am able to connect with myself. Another way I turn off and connect with myself is that almost every other month I retreat to a hotel for a day or two. I spend that time journaling my thoughts, reading, and avoiding electronics as much as possible. I also devote a lot of quiet time meditating, both on my own and with a Reiki master. Meditation provides me with the tools to ground myself and create a sense of peace within. Something that I have also found effective in connecting with myself is having an outlet (like the women I work with). This allows me to be Tina (minus the work hat) and share what I am feeling.
At your core, what makes you a connected woman?
What makes me a connected woman is that I understand the struggles that we face as women and fully acknowledge them. We come from all walks of life working toward a common goal to live the healthiest and happiest life possible. I believe in uplifting and supporting the women that I encounter in their endeavors. This support can be in the form of purchasing their products, attending their events and even providing a referral to someone else who can help them. I can wholeheartedly say that if more women allowed themselves to be truly connected instead of trying to be a team of one, they will overcome so much more in their lives and be successful, not only professionally, but personally as well.
Tina C. Hines is the founder and life transformation specialist of For My Sister Friends LLC, an organization that strives to educate, empower and enlighten women as they embark on their own personal journeys. Find out more about Tina at www.tinachines.com , www.twitter.com/tinachines and
www.facebook.com/tinachines.
