Dear Little Melanin Daughter (That I’ll Never Have),
You are so beautiful. You are loved and you have the potential to be anything you want. And no one has to ever say this to you verbally for it to be true. IT’S IN YOU ALREADY! Since I have already lived I wanted to share some gems with you so that you always come out on the other side shining brighter than before. So that no matter how a person or event in life may try to dim or tarnish your light, you will know that you clean up well and that your internal glow will come out once again my dear.
Every” He” Won’t Be a Prince
Every son wasn’t taught how to treat girls and women. Every son may not have had the same background or nurturing you did. As a matter of fact, he may have had a life far better than you and still turned out to be a complete jerk. Just remember that every guy you date won’t be that prince sent to save you. Remember that you don’t have to sleep with or entertain every guy who looks your way in order to gain his love or attention.
It’s ok to skip that party and study instead even though he might convince you that you’re a prude. That’s ok. It’s ok to be a virgin for as long as you see fit or until you find someone walking a path similar to yours. It’s ok to say NO. It’s ok to say you don’t feel safe in a situation and to exit from it. It’s not ok to let him isolate or abuse you or make you feel less than.
You don’t need saving. You need respect and love. It’s ok to walk away from a relationship that no longer feeds your soul. Every man won’t be like your father (bad or good) and every man won’t treat you like you saw your mother get treated (bad or good). Your story is for you. Your love story can be written and include all your hopes and dreams and all those things you put in your diary but you have to know first that you deserve those things.
You are in control. You will look back on some relationships and think to yourself, “what was I thinking?” or you might think you wasted your best years with someone only for it to not work out. All of that is ok. Just don’t let those who don’t have “King” potential deter you from love or its potential but most of all don’t let them deter you from YOU. Just because he isn’t the heir to the throne doesn’t make your crown any less bright.
Loving Yourself is Mandatory
Nothing less is acceptable. And this will cover you in ways you never could imagine. Loving yourself will navigate you on a path of always wanting better for yourself. Whether it’s by furthering your education, saving your money and maintaining good credit, taking a vacation or simply saying “NO”, loving yourself should always be a priority and on your goals list. Don’t waste your time with vision boards and New Year’s Resolutions. Just start with you and always walk in a spirit of self-care. Loving yourself is an action statement! Now self-care doesn’t mean being selfish towards others who may depend on you but using discernment to know when you need to take a step back and recover yourself in order to be a light to others as well.
The Stumbling Blocks are Good Exercise
Girllllll, every day will not be grand. And even the people who you watch who you think have these perfect lives are not always at their grandest. There will be rough patches. That’s for sure. But you don’t want to stay in that place and forget what it feels like to feel the sun shine on your skin. You want to learn from every experience and gain the lesson needed to not repeat the phase in life again. Figure out what you can do better and once you learn, share it with another so that her crown can avoid the unnecessary tilting that she too will encounter. It’s life. You may find you have to work harder and smarter avoid those hiccups but you will get to a point where you trust yourself and your journey and you will be able to do your runway model walk right on out of it and back to the good times. Your joy is waiting!
Smoke and Mirrors
It’s ok to get tired, lose interest or admit you need help. It’s ok to be completely overwhelmed or out of your lane and request a detour. Fuck suffering in silence! Yes, that’s profanity. Talk to your “parental guidance figure” about it but do not yell that randomly as it will be frowned upon. But honestly don’t choose that major, that job, that significant other or anything for that matter if you aren’t really feeling it. Or if you’re doing it for someone else and losing yourself in the process. Find yourself. And then find yourself again.
When it’s all said and done you have to be happy with your choices and path in life. But be smart about it. It’s hard enough out here dealing with life, building good credit, maintaining your edges and keeping your black girl magic levels in check. So be happy and do you ok!!
Your favorite Almost Auntie,
Ang
