CREATE A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
Relationships can be tricky. The ’honeymoon’ period features clear blue skies, but eventually, a few clouds may appear on the horizon. Patience, kind words, and expressing appreciation during everyday interactions will hold those clouds at bay. A healthy relationship requires awareness of your connection and actually relating to your partner. Head-in-the-clouds romanticism alone won’t hold a real-world bond together long term.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s eye-opening book, The 5 Love Languages, made romantic relationships so much easier by taking the guesswork out of expressing love and feeling loved. He believes some people communicate their love best through words. Sincere compliments and declarations of love seal the deal as far as they are concerned. Others believe that actions speak louder than words and convey their feelings through acts of service. I have never been an extravagant gift giver, so if I had a partnership that required the giving and receiving of gifts it would most likely be a short-lived relationship. I prefer spending quality time together where we simply enjoy each other’s company. The fifth most romantic category, physical touch says nothing shows true love quite like a warm hug. What’s your love language? And equally important, what’s your partner’s?
If the answer isn’t clear you could face a few bumps going forward. Open, honest communicate is needed to smooth the way. Problems start when one party in the relationship show their love in a language the other is unfamiliar with. If one partner pays lip service to the relationship peppering the conversation with a hasty “love you” as they run out the door they may as well be speaking a foreign language to someone who needs and expects something more or different. Be honest with yourself and your partner. A healthy relationship requires trust, candor, and mutual respect, not mind-reading.
My husband serves me in many ways every day. He literally serves my morning coffee doctored up just the way I like it. Among other things he washes my car, empties the dishwasher, grocery shops, and willingly steps up to handle the many moving parts that keep the household humming along. He does these things as his contribution to the relationship, to demonstrate his love. I thank him for every act, no matter how small, not just because he deserves it, but as a way to let him know that I recognize and accept what he does as a token of his love. I look for opportunities to surprise and delight him with gifts of service to reciprocate in his language of choice.
Give serious thought to your personal love language. Once you are clear on your needs, communicate your expectations to your partner. He might be shocked to hear that the flowers he had delivered to your office didn’t make up for the time he spent with the guys at softball practice, poker night, or the recent weekend golf outing. There is nothing wrong with either party pursuing separate interests, as long as each one is aware of, and fulfills, the needs of the other. Instead of bridging the gap with a gift of flowers he might want to plan a dinner date, day of adventure, or simply a little quiet, quality time the two of you can enjoy together. Take the time to learn or brush up on a new language and commit to a love that lasts.
