CWM put out the call for help on overcoming some common obstacles for women and Life Coaches Charlene Feathers and Queirra Fenderson answered the call and offered some awesome ways to get over and get through. Two points of view equals tons of tips for you. They are our featured experts in our Doreen Rainey Double Feature Interview and want to help you get out of that slump. Let’s get started.
Many entrepreneurs find themselves not having a profitable business or having to close a business. How can she find the balance between what she felt may have been her purpose and dealing with the reality of it not working?
Charlene:
This one is tricky because you said “business” and “purpose.” A business ledger can only tell her that her business was not profitable, but it cannot tell her she did not fulfill or live out her purpose. As she considers her next move, she should regularly remind herself that her purpose is not about what she does to earn money. Her purpose is more likely tied to the way she connects with people, encourages people, helps people etc.
Queirra:
Failure isn’t real. It only exists in our minds. We can create failure as easily as we create success. When you are called to your purpose you only fail when you decide to quit. As female entrepreneurs we must learn the art of pivoting. Pivoting our strategies, pivoting our support teams and most importantly, pivoting our mindset. Pivoting our mindset begins with being honest about your limiting beliefs. What is your definition of failure? What are you making it mean about yourself? Where are you not taking responsibility? Where have you resisted guidance, advice or your intuition regarding your business? Then share openly with an unbiased person or someone you trust. You’ll gain clarity, resiliency and inspired actions to move forward in your purpose. Remember, we live in a divinely connected Universe and when a desire is put into our hearts it’s because there is a tangible need for it in the world. Keep moving!
Sometimes marriage doesn’t work. And no matter what the breaking point was, the fear of what it looks like to others, maintaining a healthy life for children and adjusting to doing many formerly shared responsibilities on their own, many women may overlook their own self-care. How does she organize and prioritize without losing herself in the melee?
Charlene:
Going through a divorce brings out the emotions in us; we can vacillate between anger, hurt, loneliness, confusion, shame, embarrassment, and maybe even hatred. One thing we can do to keep ourselves organized is write things down. Track your appointments, to-do lists, and reminders using the calendar on your phone (or an old-school day planner.) Also, consider linking up with a support group or engaging your pastor, a counselor, or trusted friend/family member. These people can help you avoid losing yourself. Last, try doing things like reading in the park or at the library, biking, walking, gardening, etc. These activities get you out of the house and help you reconnect with yourself.
Queirra:
Mindfulness. Mindfulness. Mindfulness. Your mindfulness with determine how you walk into this next chapter of your life. Staying present throughout your day will help you get adjusted to your new way of life. Within the blink of an eye, your day can go from calm and controlled to crazy and chaotic if you’re not fully present in the moment. Practice getting clear about what you must accomplish and what you want to accomplish. This will help you focus when things start to get busy. Try “meditating in the moment” – a practice of focusing and counting your breaths in increments of 10 while you’re doing daily tasks. Once you learn to stay focused and present you’ll be able to notice what you need when you have those moments of peace. You know, when your children are sleep, away at daycare or with a relative. Make it a daily practice to ask yourself, “what do I need today?” then make it your mission to notice those moments throughout your day to make it a reality.
While suffering through a major health crisis, some women lose their spouses, support of family and friends, jobs and ideally their hopeful spirit. How do they clear the way to positivity when in the midst of such loss-that doesn’t help their already weakened overall mentality and see what’s important which is getting better?
Charlene:
In light of the discouragement and loss, she needs someone to help her clear the way and may consider adding a counselor to her health care team.
Queirra:
We are spiritual beings having a human experience and when our physical bodies begin to fail us, it’s very difficult to keep a hopeful spirit. In the darkest times of our human experience we must connect back to our soul. Give yourself the breathing room to be angry, fearful, sad, weak, vulnerable and raw. Let those emotions run through your soul like a flowing river clearing your spirit. That’s what it takes to rebuild a relationship with yourself. The strength to overcome any health crisis will always come from within. Be gentle to yourself. Be compassionate with your journey and never underestimate the power of gratitude. Gratitude raises your vibrational frequency and attracts healing love and light. Begin with acknowledging three things you’re grateful for each morning. Then expand into daily gratitude journaling. With time you’ll begin to see the light through the darkness and regain faith in your body’s ability to fight.
The economy is a mess and as much as they say jobs are being created, jobs continue to be eliminated. How can a recently unemployed women align her goals and repurpose herself in a new environment?
Charlene:
First, don’t focus on the job market; focus on yourself. (Focusing on the job market is like trying to run a race while watching your opponents; you’ll get tripped up.) Ask yourself a lot of questions: “What do I enjoy?” “What do I do well?” “What do I want to do?” “Where do I want to work?” “Do I want to start my own business?” “How far do I want to commute?” (You can pose the first two questions to people who know you well.) Use your answers to brainstorm possible employment opportunities – conduct an internet search or visit your local employment agency if you need help with this.
Queirra:
I can personally relate to the struggles of losing a job, especially when it’s in a career you love. When I lost my job unexpectedly, it hit my confidence like a ton of bricks. I remember pulling into my driveway, afraid to go into the house, because then the reality would set it – I was unemployed. That’s when I really understood why I got hit with a ton of bricks. I was meant to be an entrepreneur and had been running from it for years. When your goals are not authentically aligned to your purpose, life will begin to through you pebbles. Pebbles like not getting that promotion you wanted. Pebbles like an opportunity to step up your side hustle. Pebbles like a strong desire you cannot ignore. The more you ignore these pebbles the more you’re calling in the bricks. Losing your job is a brick and as much as you don’t want to hear this, it is one of the best things that will happen to you in life – if you take full advantage.
Start by being intentional about the new environment you want to create. Review your career history and notice when you thrived and when you survived. Whether you’re pursuing your next professional role or exploring the joys of entrepreneurship, evaluate every opportunity through the thriving perspective. Then once you’ve found that ideal work environment, begin to hone your leadership skills. Working with a coach or mentor to get clear on your gaps is the perfect place to start. A certified coach will offer you an unbiased perspective on your leadership style while supporting you to achieve your career goals with confidence.
Maintaining friendships while balancing life can be hard. But the loss of true friendship even as an elder adult can still inflict pain. How can we as adults learn to balance healthy relationships, maintain careers, families and marriages without letting one fall to the wayside?
Charlene:
Staying connected with friends is important but because change is inevitable, some friendships may dwindle. (I prefer not to use the word “end” in these situations because in a pinch, each person will likely be there for the other.) If one of your friendships is beginning to dwindle because your priorities have changed, try to be creative and invent ways to stay connected. For example, you can schedule breakfast together on the first Saturday of every other month, you can gather your families together for stay-at-home dinner and movies, you could take a creative class together, exercise together, or if you live in separate states, connect via a video chat app.
Try these suggestions or come up with some of your own but if you notice your appointments are cancelled again and again, or it’s a struggle to remain connected, it may be time to allow that friendship to dwindle. Be open with your friend, acknowledge the struggle to stay connected and agree to check in with each other from time to time. (These days, you can easily keep in touch via social media.) The next thing you can do is allow yourself to form new friendships that are consistent with your life changes.
Queirra:
Relationships are the backbones of life – we were not meant to walk this life alone so when a true relationship comes to an end, it can be devastating. The most important aspects of any relationship is love, grace and communication. Without love there is no bond. There’s nothing to grow and there’s nothing to share. Be responsible for the love you give and even more responsible for the love you receive. I know life gets busy but please take every moment you can to acknowledge moments of love and compassion in all of your relationships. This also goes hand in hand with forgiveness. How many times are we taking tally of what we’ve done for a friend without getting something in return? Pettiness gets you nowhere in true friendships. Note, I said true friendships. Please don’t waste your energy with friends that do not pour into you. Grace and forgiveness is all about knowing how your friends show love and how you show love. While they may not be the same, you know the love is real. Lastly, COMMUNICATE. As we get older it gets harder to juggle everything in life – that’s where communication comes in. Share vulnerably about what is going on and get clear on your commitments to each other. If strong friendships are essential to you living a fulfilled life then make a commitment with your girlfriends to create a structure that works for the both of you.
Anything to add?
Charlene:
Many of these roadblocks can create a challenge for the woman who is a believer. These situations may challenge her faith and cause her to look with disdain upon the promises of God. Her situation does not negate the fact that every one of His promises are still true. Her situation only affirms He was truthful when He told us that we’d encounter problems in this world and if she remains faithful to Him, she can see what it means to overcome the world through Him. It is important to keep her connection with the Lord in all these situations. There is absolutely no way to overcome without Christ; we can manage and we can push ahead, but we cannot overcome.
Charlene Feathers is a Certified Christian Life Coach, Minister, Keynote Speaker and CEO/Founder of Expect More & 7 and eight Coaching and Consulting. Charlene Feathers is a consummate professional who is energized when working with, encouraging, and/or edifying people, and when working on challenging, time consuming projects. She has devoted over 20 years to motivating women, youth, and young adults towards a life of self-awareness, acknowledged self-worth, and uncompromising authenticity. For more information on her services visit www.7andeight.net.
Queirra Fenderson, ACC is a Certified Life & Business Coach on a mission to empower and inspire women to transform their relationship with their ambition. She uses her training as an ontological life coach to listen intently, speak boldly and reflect powerful insights to take her clients from hot mess to hotness. Learn more about her at www.queirra.com.
What are some roadblocks you triumphed over?
