Meochia Clayton has come a long way. She has never felt like failure was an option in her life so she has pushed through life, divorce and balancing life as a new mother and a child with Autism. Years later she is sharing her story and also making a difference in the Autism community by making the lives of other families better. Recently she became an author in the collaborative work called Her Chronicles: Stories of Faith, Fear and Fortitude. Her contribution, called Divorced and Down But Not Dead: When Hope is Your Hero, is her own transparent take on how divorce and the side effects of it, attempted to divert her path and how she steered clear and made her way…anyway.
The Book
How was the writing experience for you as a new author? Did the words come easily? Did you find it easy to be transparent once you started?
Initially, the writing experience was difficult as far as drafting an outline. I must say that I when I really started writing, I couldn’t stop. I wrote my chapter during a Sunday afternoon. It was hard being transparent when talking about my son’s father and going back to when we were married. I didn’t want to bash him, this was someone that I spent most of my 20’s and 30’s with. I often felt that he was making a cameo appearance in the book because I didn’t really feel like digging deep in those years when I felt that I was at my lowest. While Jai was coaching me, she would sometimes ask me to be more descriptive and sometimes that made me feel uncomfortable. But, she assured me that the purpose of the book was not to bash men and I placed my trust in her to tell my story.
Tell us about your new book collaboration in summary as a whole and then without giving anything away focusing on your particular contribution. What made you want to share your story? Do you think other women will find it relatable? Will women who may not have experienced Divorce find something as well they can apply to other areas of their lives?
I focused a lot on how I got through some of the things that I had to go through to get to this point in my life. It started with my upbringing and being raised by strong women. I explained how the strength that I inherited from them was both a blessing and a hindrance. I wanted to tell my story because I wanted women that are going through what I have gone through and continue to go through to know that they shouldn’t give up on themselves. I wear many hats: mother, caregiver, full-time employee, business owner, advocate, etc., and many of those hats I have to wear at the same time. It’s not easy, but I don’t give up on my dreams and my purpose, I still work on those on a daily basis. I think that I have gone through enough that I can relate to almost any other woman. Divorce is lost and any woman that has experienced lost, can relate to experiencing divorce. You walk away from that situation and you know that your life will never be the same.
Tell us how the experience you share changed you ? What did you learn about yourself?
I think my experience peeled away another layer. I say that because I am able to work on a job every day around the same people for years and they really don’t get to know me. I had been divorced for years before co-workers that I talked to on a daily basis knew that I was divorced and some won’t find out unless they read the book. Most of my co-workers or friends don’t know how much of myself that I have to give to my son as his caregiver. I don’t walk around with a badge with all that I have to get through in the course of a day. I shared my journey in this book and that’s a rarity for me. I had to become an Emotional Nudist and I was so not used to baring my soul. This book also caused me to look at other women in a different light, just as Jai stated, every woman has at least one story and most have more than one story. So, now I look at women differently, it makes me wonder what powerful story that she’s carrying around.
Do you see yourself doing more writing?
I plan to blog more about my experience as a parent and a special needs advocate. I am not sure that I will write or contribute to another book. I never thought that I would contribute to any book project. I saw the opportunity, it just felt right, and it still feels right. I have no regrets. It was great working with Jai and the other 9 collaborators.
What was the last good book you read?
I read a lot of self-help books and I am reading 3 great books now. I always have a book with me and I am enjoying all three: Destiny: Step into Your Purpose by T.D. Jakes; The Confidence Factor for Women in Business by Carol Sankar; and Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success by Steve Harvey.
Not including your own, name another chapter that you would say women will find most relatable or enjoyable?
There are 11 great stories in the book, I sort of feel that I relate mostly with Becky Davis, with her “When you pray and the Gay doesn’t go away.” It wasn’t that I felt that I had to pray my son to be a typical child, but I had family members and friends who made me feel that I didn’t have strong faith in God because I was supposed to have the type of faith that would heal him. Those people that thought that way had to eventually come to terms with my son being as he is and realize that the kind of faith that I have is the faith that believes that we are going to make it through this day and we are going to get back up in the morning and make it through another day.
Tell women why they should read the book?
I think everyone woman is going to relate to at least one of these ladies and may relate to most of the ladies. Some women may be going through some of the topics that we covered in the book and it just may give them the strength to get through their situation.
How can our readers support you and purchase the book?
Readers can purchase the book at http://amzn.to/1PSy5KA . When you use this link, all proceeds will go to Cruising with Autism, Inc.
Life
Do you ever feel like you should have done anything differently in learning to balance your relationships with the care of your son? Did your former mates actively participate in your son’s care during the relationship, or after in the case of his father?
No. I don’t have any regrets because raising a child with autism can be very overwhelming at times. In order for a relationship to work, both partners have to have their life together. One partner can’t be irresponsible or selfish because your household has to be tight. If you can’t take routines, your household just isn’t going to work. With that said, when I was married, I felt like a single parent. Sometimes a person would show up, but they don’t really show up when you need them. They are there to school meetings and other important events, but they aren’t showing up on a daily basis, when you really need their consistent support.
Did you have help from your family or did you find them alienated as well?
I had sporadic help from my family. But, the older my son got, the help has been less frequent. Children with autism don’t stay young forever, but many times, they have the same needs as they did when they were young. My son’s paternal grandmother is the only constant help that I have received. She continues to care for him for a month during the summer and sometimes during Christmas break. That really helps me out a lot.
In the past you focused on staying busy but what does Meochia do during her free time? How do you take care of you ?
I really look forward to my vacations and try to work one in every time my son goes away. Simple things such as walking in my neighborhood and stealing a few minutes to read a book before falling asleep. It may not seem like much, but I really appreciate my free time.
How has your son’s development been and what advice would you give to other parents, mothers and fathers in regards to coping with a child with Autism and not getting overwhelmed?
My son still needs a lot of care, he will never live independent. Just the other day, it dawned on me, I am not just a mommy; I am a caregiver. My son is almost 20 years old, he’s over 6 feet tall and he still needs constant care. The advice that I give to parents taking care of a child with Autism or any other special needs, is to make sure that you find peace in what you are doing and that comes from accepting your child for who he or she is. You don’t want to care for them because it’s merely your responsibility, but you want to have joy in caring for your child. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t mind taking my son on a vacation, to a restaurant, amusement park, etc. Because, I get joy in knowing that he’s happy. Some days when I feel overwhelmed, my son will smile, I have to stop myself and put a smile on my face. I am content with him being who he is and I don’t want to make my or his life miserable.
What has changed/improved in the years since you had your son?
I am definitely a stronger, more resilient person since having my son. I’m always trying to improve myself. I have gone through a lot of trials and I don’t have a lot of patience for pettiness. I don’t take much for granted.
In recent years news about Autism has increased. What do you still think needs to be done as far as resources for these children in education as well as for parents in dealing with a child who will need extra focus? What has changed/improved in the years since you had your son?
Holly Robinson-Peete once said, “Autism is ridiculously unaffordable and can financially bring a family to its knees…even in good times.” To hear a celebrity say that, what about all of us average people who want the best for our child? We have to make sacrifices on a daily basis to make sure that our children are properly cared for. Not everyone is willing to make those types of sacrifices. It’s hard to tell a person that is interested in having a long term relationship with me that I will always have my child with me. There is no growing up and going to college for him. That’s a hard pill for many biological parents to swallow. You have to make peace with your situation and your decision to be there for your child.
When my son was diagnosed with autism in the late 90’s, it was the hot topic. Since it was so popular, resources were easier to access. He was provided with hours of various therapies, caregivers came into my home to teach me how to set up my home for him, and I had many hours of in-home care for him. Today, things have really changed, there are waiting lists for funding due to limited funds allocated in states’ budgets. As a parent, you cannot get used to anything that the government provides, because next month, it may not be available in the budget. I would love to say that awareness and acceptance has improved over the years but it hasn’t and that doesn’t cost a thing. There is still so much work to do.
What goals have you set for CWA in the future?
We have scheduled our first cruise on June 23, 2016 theme “There’s a Star Inside of You.” We have planned an end of the year Fundraising Cruise Party in December and some other fundraisers prior to our sailing. We plan to fund at least 10 children, teens or young adults living with autism. It is our goal to have at least 2 group vacations next year, and to increase those vacations each year. We are more than just cruises and vacations, we provide monthly informational sessions to families. This month, we have an attorney presenting on The ABLE Act, which allows families to set aside funds for their child’s future without having it affect Social Security and Medicaid benefits and next month an attorney will present on setting up a Special Needs Trust. In the upcoming months, we are also focusing on healthcare, relaxation techniques, security and so many other topics. We want to make sure that we are providing valuable resources to the families, anything that will make our lives easier. Our ultimate goal is to become a national resource and I see that happening within the next 3 years. Visit our website at www.cruisingwithautism.org.
At your lowest point, could you see yourself where you are today?
Oh no! No one could have told me, the ultimate introvert, I would be speaking to audiences, telling my life story to the world, advocating for children and adults with special needs and traveling the world. Today, I see that my experiences have gotten me to this point. My child was diagnosed with autism, I completed a Masters’ degree in Special Education Law, I became a travel agent and now I am the Founder and Executive Director of Cruising with Autism, Inc. I didn’t see all of this coming, but I’m thankful.
Anything to add?
I just thank God, again, I didn’t see it coming. But, it all feels right.
