Social abuse among Black women is an under-discussed but deeply pervasive form of harm that quietly eats away at confidence, unity, and well-being. It often lurks in the spaces where we seek community—online platforms, friend groups, family circles, and even professional networks. Social abuse isn’t always loud or physical. Sometimes it is as subtle as a look of disdain, as cutting as a whispered insult, or as visible as public humiliation in front of an audience of strangers online.
I recently had a moment that crystallized this issue for me. While scrolling through a popular social media platform, I stumbled into a discussion thread where Black women were speaking about Whoopi Goldberg—an accomplished actress, comedian, and one of the few Black EGOT winners in history. Instead of celebrating her achievements or even engaging in thoughtful critique of her career, the conversation had devolved into women calling her “ugly” and making jokes at her expense. And this was not from a set of bougie, $2k a month self-maintenance, straight teeth and always on model status whenever they go outside types either.
It was jarring—not because online cruelty is new, but because it was coming from the very community one might expect to uplift her. It led me to reflect deeply on social abuse among Black women, how internalized biases and societal pressures fuel it, and the lasting harm it creates.
Understanding Social Abuse
Social abuse is a form of emotional and psychological mistreatment where the abuser uses social power to harm, isolate, or belittle someone. This can include gossiping, exclusion, humiliation, shaming, cyberbullying, and verbal attacks on a person’s character, appearance, or lifestyle.
For Black women, social abuse can be particularly layered because it is often intertwined with:
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Colorism – Biases against darker skin tones, rooted in historical oppression.
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Texturism and Featurism – Criticizing natural hair textures or facial features that don’t align with Eurocentric beauty standards.
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Internalized Misogynoir – A specific form of misogyny directed at Black women, sometimes perpetuated by Black communities themselves due to societal conditioning.
Social abuse rarely happens in isolation. It is amplified by cultural messages that say Black women must be “strong” or “unbothered,” leaving little room to express how deeply words can wound.
The Example of Whoopi Goldberg: A Reflection of Larger Patterns
The public criticism of Whoopi Goldberg’s appearance is not an isolated incident; it is a reflection of a long history of policing Black women’s bodies, faces, and very existence.
Whoopi Goldberg has never fit the conventional beauty molds promoted by mainstream media. She has a unique look, proudly wears her natural locs, and has carved out a career built on wit, intellect, and authenticity. Yet, despite—or perhaps because of—her refusal to conform, she is often the subject of appearance-based ridicule.
Hearing Black women join in the chorus of calling her ugly highlights several painful truths:
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Internalized Eurocentric Beauty Standards
For centuries, beauty has been defined in narrow terms—straight hair, light skin, thin noses. These ideals seep into the subconscious of Black women, who may, without realizing it, perpetuate the same standards that have historically marginalized them. -
The Cycle of Public Shaming
Social media creates a stage for judgment. The algorithm rewards outrage, mockery, and hot takes. In calling out Whoopi Goldberg’s appearance, participants are often seeking validation, laughs, or temporary digital clout—without realizing the long-term cost of reinforcing harmful narratives about Black women. -
Projection and the Scarcity Mindset
Many Black women are navigating a society that pits them against each other in careers, dating, and visibility. Criticizing another Black woman’s looks can become a misguided form of distancing oneself from the pain of societal rejection—“If she’s ugly, maybe I’m safe from that label.”
The Psychological Toll of Social Abuse
Social abuse is not “just words.” For Black women, these repeated micro and macro-aggressions create a heavy emotional load. Research in social psychology and trauma studies shows that public humiliation and verbal attacks can trigger stress responses similar to physical harm.
Some of the effects include:
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Lowered Self-Esteem
Constant criticism of one’s appearance or personality can chip away at confidence, leaving lasting insecurities. -
Increased Anxiety and Depression
Victims of social abuse often experience hypervigilance—anticipating the next attack—alongside feelings of isolation and sadness. -
Erosion of Community Trust
When harm comes from within the community, it can lead to withdrawal, mistrust, and reduced participation in collective spaces—both online and offline.
The tragedy is that these harms do not remain individual. They ripple through the community, fracturing the solidarity that Black women need to navigate a world already steeped in racism and sexism.
Why Black Women Sometimes Perpetuate Social Abuse
Addressing this issue honestly requires self-reflection. Why do Black women, who know the pain of marginalization, sometimes participate in socially abusive behavior toward one another?
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Internalized Misogynoir
Societal messages that devalue Black women can become internalized, leading some to unconsciously enforce the same hierarchies they suffer under. -
Generational Trauma and Normalization
Many Black women grow up witnessing harsh criticism, ridicule, or “tough love” disguised as humor. Without intentional healing, this cycle repeats itself. -
Digital Performance and Clout Culture
The digital age incentivizes extremes. Humor, shade, and viral moments often thrive on someone else’s expense. Participating in public ridicule can feel like a shortcut to relevance. -
Pain as a Defense Mechanism
Hurt people hurt people. For some, projecting pain onto another Black woman offers a temporary illusion of power in a world that often renders them powerless.
Breaking the Cycle of Social Abuse
Ending social abuse among Black women requires intentional work—individually and collectively.
1. Practice Conscious Consumption and Engagement Online
Before sharing a meme or piling onto a joke about a Black woman’s appearance, pause and ask:
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Who benefits from this?
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Am I reinforcing harmful narratives?
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Would I say this to her face?
2. Learn to Celebrate, Not Compare
Black women exist in stunning diversity. Celebrating that diversity means letting go of the need to rank or categorize one another based on Eurocentric standards.
3. Heal Internalized Wounds
Therapy, journaling, and community healing spaces can help unpack the trauma that leads to lateral harm. Understanding your triggers can prevent you from lashing out at others.
4. Protect Black Women Publicly and Privately
When you see social abuse happening, especially online, speak up. A simple “this isn’t okay” can disrupt the cycle. Silence often equals consent in the digital age.
5. Build Communities Rooted in Accountability and Love
Creating safe spaces where Black women can engage in honest, supportive dialogue is essential. When harm happens, addressing it with accountability—not shame—fosters growth.
Reclaiming Our Narrative
Whoopi Goldberg’s legacy, like that of many Black women, is proof that our value is not determined by societal beauty metrics or social media commentary. She has remained authentic, resilient, and impactful despite the noise.
Every time we choose not to participate in social abuse—or actively disrupt it—we contribute to reclaiming a narrative that says Black women are worthy of love, respect, and protection in all our forms.
Social abuse is preventable. But it takes courage to look in the mirror and ask:
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Am I adding to the problem or the solution?
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What would happen if I extended the same grace I wish to receive?
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How can we, as Black women, shift from tearing down to lifting up?
The path forward lies in empathy, accountability, and the unwavering belief that our collective strength is greater than the fleeting satisfaction of a cruel joke.
