6 Tips for Surviving As a Stay at Home Mom
By Erin M Fernandez
Choosing to stay home with your children when they are young is a decision that many women make. They forgo career advancements or other achievements to nurture and love their small children, who always grow up too quickly. However, staying at home can be very difficult and draining. Here are my six tips for surviving and thriving as a stay at home mom (SAHM).
1. Establish a Routine
Before you decided to stay home with your children, your days likely followed a fairly predictable schedule. In the office, you would have meetings, lunches, and goals to accomplish. At home, there is no boss calling a meeting or clients to meet at a set time. The minutes and hours easily get away from you, and by the time it’s 4:00 PM, you realize you have not accomplished anything besides making lunch, caring for the children, and maybe a little light housework.
To break out of this pattern, you must establish a routine where you do the same thing in the same order every day. This differs from a schedule, which assigns set times to accomplish tasks. A suggested routine for a SAHM may look like this:
Wake up/shower/dress
Make breakfast for the family
Breakfast clean up
Errands or playtime out of the house
Lunch
Nap time / Leisure time / Chores around the house
Playtime
Dinner Prep
When these activities happen and how long each will take is up to you, but the flow of the day will be structured and predictable. Moreover, research tells us that children thrive on routine, which is reason enough to strive toward this goal.
2. Take care of yourself
As a mother, it is so easy to give all your attention and time to your children and spouse, and then look after yourself, which may or may not happen each day. Instead, try to think of your work at home similar to going to the office. One way to accomplish this is to shower daily and dress nicely (I.e., not yoga or pajama pants all day.) Wear a blouse or nice top, jeans or a skirt, and one accessory, such as a necklace, scarf, and apply a little makeup. Many women feel much better and ready for the day when they do this small step for themselves. Plus, if you are dressed, you will be more likely to go out to the park, library, visit a friend, or even accomplish tasks you have been putting off. It may surprise you how much your energy levels change when you take just a bit of time for yourself each day.
3. Let go of control
When you are at home all day with your children, the house is going to become a mess. There will always be a dirty dish or cup in the sink, toys will be scattered everywhere, and miscellaneous items will get dragged from room to room. The clutter can easily drive anyone crazy, but at some level, you have to let go of your ideas for and control of a perfectly clean house.
Do not let your need for control keep you from enjoying life with your children. Yes, dishes need to be washed, but they can wait you read a few stories, or sing songs with your toddler. A crying baby is infinitely more important than a tidy house. Moreover, don’t let the feeling of lack of control keep you from getting outside and seeing others. Personally, I hate leaving the house when it is a mess. Walking in to a living room strewn with laundry/toys/books that the children pulled out, etc. drives me nuts. And for many months, my dislike for this disorder kept me from being social and going out of the house. Story time is at 9:45AM at the library, but if I woke up late or had a lazy morning, breakfast dishes were not done and the living room was usually already a mess of toys. This frazzled me, and we would not make it on time. I finally decided to let go. If I have to come back to an untidy house, so be it! My children deserves to see other kids, play, and run around, and I also need fresh air and the chance to meet and connect with other moms.
4. Meal Plan
It is 5:00 PM, the baby is fussy and the toddler is hungry and tired. You have some frozen meat sitting on your counter, and you are stressed. Sound familiar? Eliminating dinnertime stress will have an enormous impact on your family’s life. At the beginning of each week, watch the sales and make a menu and shop according to what you have on hand and what is on sale. Knowing what you will make each night, and having a rotating plan for lunches is a serious life saver and peace-keeping trick for most SAHMs. If you struggle with cooking or meal planning, there are numerous blogs and services that will assist and learning this technique.
5. Use social media wisely.
Social media, such as Instagram, Facebook, websites like Baby Center and RaisingThem are fabulous ways to connect with other parents, keep up with the world outside your doorstep, and provide you with a refreshing break from dishes and diapers. However, try to set time limits, as the day can easily slip by where one has spent too much time online. Remember your baby will only be a baby once, and the time you spend playing and enjoying him is a priceless investment and perhaps the reason you chose to stay home, whereas conversing online is not. Moderation is key in online relationships. A good rule of thumb is if you find you are connecting more with your online friends than those in real life, or not calling friends and family often enough, reevaluate and continue to find the right balance for your family.
6. Don’t forget your own interests.
Becoming a mother is absolutely life changing. When you see the love and joy in a child’s eyes, it is easy to forget what life looked like without them. Most likely, however, there will come a point when your conversations mostly revolve around children, sleep troubles, and diapers. Keep in mind that you are still the person with interests, skills, ambitions, and goals. Do not lose sight of these goals. Try to find some time each day, or week, to nurture your own interests. Listening to podcasts or taking a free online course are simple ways to stay connected and interested in the hobbies and activities you held before staying home.
Staying at home is an exhausting and joyful labor of love, and with these six tips, I believe you will move from surviving to thriving in no time!
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