Grace Onuegbu has a passion for helping women align their mindsets with their goals. Learning from her own experiences of discovering her self-worth and place in the world, This single mother now thrives as the founder of SMILEBIZ LLC, as a Nurse Practitioner, Coach and Author. Let’s meet her.
Where did you grow up? How did your youth and the women in your life balancing life shape your early decision-making?
I was born in Umuahia, Nigeria, and came to the United States as a child, so I do not have many memories of living in Nigeria outside of what my mother had shared with me. In my younger years, I predominately grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina. At that time, I had lived in a two-parent household with my two siblings and paternal grandmother. My paternal grandmother and mother had a strained relationship, and she had a hard time accepting my mother to the point she was uncaring towards us. I had to watch my mother deal with her negative remarks and try to maintain peace in her household. Between my grandmother and the conflicts with my father, one day my mother decided to leave. I had never seen my father become violent towards my mother, but the day we left, he kicked out the driver-side window of her car with all of us in the car. We were able to leave and lived in a battered women’s shelter for a while. Instantaneously, my mother became a single mother of three young children. Watching my mother having to balance her life as a single mother, pushed me to become more independent. I was responsible for my siblings, so I had to grow up quickly and be decisive, which did not prevent me from making poor decisions in my life as I grew older. It just made me more self-reliant.
Can you share and compare your mindsets at different stages in your life: Age 18, as an unemployed single mother, and after earning your first nursing degree? How were these moments pivotal to your overall growth and development?
There was a level of immaturity in the different stages of my life. I am headstrong and in many points of my life felt that no one could tell me anything, which led me to make a lot of poor decisions. The year I graduated high school, I started community college, and I was still chasing after men. Not having a good relationship with my father and experiencing childhood trauma put in a space where I had no sense of identity nor knew my purpose, so I would migrate to people and things I thought could give me significance and self-worth. I was always sneaking out the house at inappropriate times. When I did have more freedom to go as I pleased, I was not going to church as much anymore. At that time, I was rebellious and could not see my actions were the results of unresolved heart wounds of rejection and abandonment. Eventually, my mother got tired of my reckless behavior and disrespect, so she put me out the house. I hopped from house to house and wind up at my father’s friend’s house where he violated my trust by trying to sleep with me. I was tired of instability, so I got my own apartment at age nineteen.
When I was an unemployed single mother, I had to get my life together. Although, I still had unresolved internal battles I was dealing with, I had to push past that for my son’s sake. I could no longer make the irresponsible decisions I was making as an early adult, because I had someone else’s well-being I had to consider. My mindset was no longer on living to exist. It was I must exist to live by being proactive and intentional in pursuing after the things I desired not just for my life, but my son’s life as well. When he was three months old, I had gone back to school and decided to pursue my nursing degree.
Earning my first nursing degree was not an easy feat. I was more focused and determined because I had really a “it’s all or nothing” mentality. I knew getting my degree would be the ticket to help me create a better life for myself and my son. There were many times I wanted to quit nursing school. I remember I would cry at our dining room table, because the emotional toll and the pressure I put on myself to not only want to excel in life, but also not disappoint my son. I was either working or studying, so I felt guilty not being as present for my son through out my years of schooling. I had this notion that if I did not graduate, the sacrifice would be a waste, so I pushed myself. Although, I was in a different space mindset-wise, reflecting showed me that I still lacked identity and was using my education as a void-filler. Overall, my growth and development matured, but I still had not dealt with the things that truly mattered.
Tell us about the Woman Rise Academy and its mission and goals.
Woman Arise Academy is a 12-month online coaching program that consists of a curriculum of four signature courses centered around the topics of stress management, work-life balance, goal setting, leadership skills, and bi-weekly coaching. We used MAPS which includes biblical principles and practical strategies to help women win in life. The mission is to help women thrive in both their personal and professional life. One of the goals is for millennial women to gain overall balance in their life, so they can achieve their goals without sacrificing their time and freedom to do so.
Smilebiz LLC is a “personal development company where you teach high-performing millennial women how to live a balanced lifestyle allowing them to gain a life of peace, prestige, purpose, and prosperity.” Why is balance important in our personal development?
Balance is significant to your personal development because it gives you an opportunity to create a space where the different areas of your life can flow simultaneously. Balance helps you prioritize and focus on the areas that need improving with ease. You can achieve your goals faster and have an overall better quality of life.
You learned firsthand how to achieve what you now teach others. What was the biggest lesson you learned from your time when juggling life was a daily occurrence and a daily struggle? How did you stay focused on your goals during this time?
During my time where juggling life was a daily struggle, my biggest lesson I learned was letting go of perfection. Truth be told, I am a recovering perfectionist and I had to learn how to be more flexible to relinquish control. When you are trying to control a narrative and variables outside of your reach, it can cause unnecessary stress and keep you fixated on minor details that at the end of day doesn’t even matter. To achieve my goals, I focused on my why. To understand why you are doing something will motivate you to continue even when in that moment, it doesn’t look like how you pictured it to be. I knew I desired a better-quality life for myself and my son which pushed me to keep going regardless of what obstacles came in my way. I also broke down what a better-quality life looked like for me to help stay focused on the outcome. Envisioning the benefits of my goals was a driving force to help me not get stuck in a moment.
How big of a role does faith play in your platform and to you personally?
Faith is the foundation of everything I do from my career, business, ministry, and personal life. Smilebiz LLC is built on the foundational scripture John 10:10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” NKJV. Jesus died on the cross, so we can live. I believe that we are called to live a life of abundance and when I say abundance, it’s not just in the financial sense, but in the sense of peace, joy, and balance. Life is still going to life but partnering up with Christ allows me to see things in a different perspective. Instead seeing the glass half empty, I see it half full. My faith fuels me to consistently renew my mind, so I won’t get stuck in a moment where I start doubting what God had said about me and ordained for me. It is so easy to go straight into a negative space when you see the world is on fire, things in your life are falling apart, or even people that you may encounter are speaking death to the very thing God asked you to birth. My desire is no matter what I am doing and where I am that people can see God through my life and in turn have an intimate relationship with him.
Tell us about your book A Rose is still a Rose: Overcoming Your Past to Walk in Freedom and let our readers know where it can be purchased.
A Rose Is Still A Rose is a memoir where I illustrated the challenges I faced through out my life. I discussed how parental abandonment and rejection played a part in me being trapped in a series of dysfunctional relationships. I shared how I was bound to religiosity and sexual perversion, but God’s redemptive grace helped heal and deliver me. I wrote this book not just for unbelievers, but also for individuals in the faith community who feel unheard. For individuals who may have lost their way and counted themselves out due to life circumstances. My novel empowers the readers to take ownership of their own narrative and allow God into the secret places of their hearts to heal wounds preventing them from walking in true freedom. My book can be purchased on my website www.smilebizllc.com or on Amazon.
How do you define a healthy relationship? Why is sisterhood and having a strong tribe paramount in making real connections amongst women?
The term healthy relationships can be subjective based on what an individual needs to fill their emotional tank. Nevertheless, in general a healthy relationship is one that is pure and honest creating safe spaces where individuals can be open and vulnerable with one another. In a healthy relationship there is an understanding that people will have their human moments and need an extension of grace; however, I believe healthy relationships are built on reciprocity. To receive and give in a relationship, one must have a healthy relationship with self. Feelings of unworthiness creates this false narrative that you are undeserving of love, compassion, understanding, and patience from others. It would be a challenge to give someone else these same things when you are unfamiliar with what that looks like.
Society and culture love to place women in these checkboxes or categories that pushes many women towards competing with one another versus collaboration. Collaboration is not just about teaming up together in the marketplace or ministry. Collaboration is about doing life together. “No man is an island” is an idiom taken from a sermon by John Donne, a clergyman, and Dean of St. Pau’s Cathedral, meaning we need human connection to thrive in this world. A strong tribe is foundational for our overall wellbeing. One of my favorite scriptures is “Two is better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” Ecclesiastes: 9-10. Sisterhood is not a trendy term for the social media streets. True sisterhood is that connection where we celebrate each other on the mountaintop and comfort each other in the valleys.
How can our readers find out more about you or connect for services?
Readers can connect with me on Instagram through my IG handles msgraceonuegbu and womanariseacademy. Also, they can join Woman Arise Tribe, our FB community, for women desiring to grow in their walk with God and in their personal development. They can also join our email community womanarise.co/SmilebizMember where they can stay updated with the latest news from Smilebiz LLC. Also, they can like and follow me on my FB business page Smilebiz LLC.
Women take on a lot. Can you give a short empowering message to women struggling today?
One day I was scrolling on Facebook, and I came across this author sharing advise her therapist gave her which helped me in dealing with balance. As I paraphrase, “Sometimes it’s not about sinking or swimming, you might need to just float”.
Anything to add?
Thanks for allowing me the space to share some of my story. I am appreciative of this opportunity and I pray that your readers are empowered to step out and be everything God has called them to be.
