Unapologetically Favored: A woman. A leader. A testimony.
New Author Courtney Kittrell is giving a vivid and inspiring look at her North Carolina childhood and her military career highlights in her new book.
Unapologetically Favored: A woman. A leader. A testimony. (published by Gatekeeper Press in November 2019 and available on Amazon) takes the reader through Courtney Kittrell’s upbringing and the trials of loss, discover, and sheer will as she dealt with the dynamics of her own family, losing loved ones and not always feeling understood or cared for by the immediate male presences in her life. While figuring out her own sexual identity and definition of love in general, she persevered and continued to push herself. She has craved love, lost love, chose the wrong love to please others, tolerated too much because of love before finally recognizing the love she deserved and wanted only to find herself losing again. In the end, she discovered her greatest love in herself and attracting the real thing soon followed.
All of this while balancing her 20-year military career and all that being an African-American lesbian female in the male-dominated military and maintaining a stellar career path filled with leadership, lessons, and friendships she couldn’t have gotten anywhere else.
She has put her life and heart in the pages and her story will inspire many who didn’t see any hope of moving on or who had given up. She claimed her destiny by avoiding the many pitfalls that would have altered the lives of many in a more permanent way. There is nothing more inspiring than a woman making through so much and still making it to the finish line, finding her joy, discovering herself and living her best life. She turned her personal battles into purpose and passion and continued to set the bar high for her life. And you can too! Teens, Young Adults, and Women alike will all find something to connect to in her story.
CWM was able to speak with the author about the life reflected in her book, Unapologetically Favored and more.
When you look back at your relationships with the two prominent male figures in your life, your biological father and your stepfather, do you think if you had stronger relationships with either that it would have completely shaped you into a different person or altered your life path? I believe there is a possibility that my life would have been different. As always, anything that is thrown in your path in life will set you up for a different outcome. It’s scary to think about what if I never joined the military? What if I continued to hide my true self? What if either of my father’s convinced me to do something different? I would definitely not be where I stand today.
What would you tell your 15-year-old self now looking back? What would you prepare her for? I would prepare my 15-year-old self for a life judgment. I would tell her no matter what, people are going to talk about you, judge you, compare you to others, but it should not stop you from being you! Stay true to yourself. Walk with confidence. Embrace the unknown because it is going to lead you to unimaginable greatness. Don’t entertain the clowns who want to constantly have something to say. If you entertain them, they will continue to perform.
Did you see the military not only as a means to advance your career but also as a way to escape? I believe everyone who joins the military joins to escape something in their life. For me, I was escaping not having money for college and getting out of my hometown. I wanted to do something different. We all have limiting beliefs that keep us trapped in our neighborhoods because we can’t see a way out. No one else is doing anything or becoming successful, so I can’t either. I wanted to break that thought process and move beyond the limits that were placed in my mind by the environment I grew up in.
Did you ever talk to your mother about your feelings concerning your father or stepfather or did she ever ask or try to motivate them to “man- up”? Honestly, my mother never asked my father for anything. She never bad mouthed him around me. Now that I am older we talk about his missteps in life and how we feel he failed as a father. Of course, I know she wanted him to “man-up” and take care of his responsibilities, but she also knew who he was and that was a battle not worth fighting.
There are men who while providing financially do not know how to provide emotionally. What do you wish your father had nurtured in you that would have better served you in the future? I don’t have anything I wished my dad would have nurtured in me. My mother and stepfather did well with their combined forces to ensure I was raised properly, I knew the value of hard work, and that I do something with my life. It’s sad that my biological father can’t take any credit for it. The one thing I can say my biological father has taught me is that even as an adult we are still immature. Even as adult, responsibility, and accountability is not a thing. We try to instill those things in children growing up, but it doesn’t always work.
I fully believe that every school can benefit from having a licensed counselor in- house to give students an outlet for all the things they keep inside when they don’ t have someone at home, a mentor or teacher to confide in. How important have mentors been in your life? I truly believe in the power of a mentor! Everyone needs someone that can vent to without judgment, cry on when needed, and have a support system to catch them when they fall. I believe that schools, around 13/14 years of age need to start providing mentors to students because this is when students began going through life changes. They don’t understand what they are feeling or why. They don’t understand what is a real and false reality. They don’t know how to motivate themselves to press forward in a positive light. They live off what they see in music videos and reality shows comparing their lives to others. It sets them up for failure. We need to provide a mentor or life coach to show them the correct way to navigate in life. It worked for me. I learned to trust those around me because they were investing in me. They told me what I needed to hear vice what I wanted to hear. I am standing today because of my mentors.
When you were discovering your own sexual identity, did you feel completely isolated? Do you ever still feel that way even with the fewer hindrances now? Do you feel you ever still have to hide or shrink yourself? I did feel isolated. I was young with no one to talk to about what I was going through. I didn’t know anyone who I could confide in. It left me feeling lonely and depressed for a very long time. Now, I’m free. I learned to just accept who I was. I fell in love with myself. I built my confidence and courage to live my truth regardless of what anyone thought. I had to live my life for me and no one else. It’s my life! I don’t hide who I am or shy away. Either you take me as I am or move along. It will not hurt my feelings one bit. I am done hiding who I am to make others comfortable. No one should live their life that way.
Your military career has presented many opportunities for growth for you as a person. What was your biggest learning curve and how did you overcome it? My biggest learning curve was learning to accept failure. It’s okay to fail. It’s all about how you handle failure that determines who your character. A weak individual will blame other people and situations for their downfall. A strong individual will accept the mistake that was made and learn from it and change what needs to be changed. We don’t teach failure is okay anymore. We pass out trophies to everyone to keep others feeling intact and not make enemies. We are setting ourselves up for failure doing that. People don’t know how to cope with the word ‘NO’. They are used to having everything their way and when they want it. Failure is okay!! It happens in life. Grow from it.
What does earning the respect of your peers and colleagues mean to you? Define how leadership has defined you. Earning the respect of my peers means them being able to trust me. Them knowing that I will have unconditional love for them; never judging, always by their side to motivate and support them no matter what. I will tell what they need to hear vice what they want to hear. Being honest and transparent is the best way to earn respect.
Leadership has made me a stronger, more empathetic, more aware of others. I take the time to learn what is behind a person (their past) so I will know what is in front of me. If you don’t know a person’s history you cannot guide them in their future. Leadership has given me the strength to do just that.
What would you say to encourage and uplift young girls/ teens who are struggling with their own sexual identities and secondly what would you say to their parents or caregivers about their role in helping them figure it all out? For young girls, I would tell them to love who you are. We are made to be the exact same. We are individually beautiful and favored in our own way. Don’t worry about what people may say or think about you. It’s your life! Own it! Live it! Have confidence! Find your purpose!
For parents and caregivers, give your loved one time to digest and understand what they are feeling and going through. Do not pressure them into talking about it. Most of the time they don’t know what to say or how to express it because they, just like you, don’t know what lies ahead. Just let them know that you love them unconditionally. That you support them. That they are important and it doesn’t matter. The last memory you want to live with is how you judged or pushed them and your disappointment led to their absence or even suicide.
What do you want your legacy to be? I want my legacy to be courage. Don’t be scared to show and live in your true form. Stop hiding who you because someone is uncomfortable. Stop living your life unhappy because you are scared of what others think. Have courage and confidence in everything you do! If you fall, it’s only a failure when you refuse to get back up. Have the courage to stand up!
Who is Courtney Kittrell at her core? Courtney Kittrell is a person with flaws, a motivator, an encourager, a mentor, a woman, a leader, and a testimony. I am confident in myself. I hide from no one and I understand that I am a different flavor that some may not like. That is okay. Everything isn’t for everybody. Courtney Kittrell is Unapologetically Favored.
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