Paula’s Real-Talk Guide – 9 Steps to Rebuild a Life You Love 1.0

We all go through things – even hard things in life. At times, we need a roadmap to help assist us in getting back on track. There have been times in my life when I found myself struggling to find a way to piece together a life that made sense for me. Bouts of depression, a traumatic divorce, major health issues and general chaos have caused me to feel off course on many occasions. During these times, there are so many things which need to be addressed and I often felt confused and in need of guidance.

At the core of human nature is the need to find stability and closure so that we can live peacefully. I’ve found that there are a few basic principles which can help guide us through a time of instability or crisis. These may be helpful to you or someone you know who needs some guidance in navigating life’s challenges:

1. Address your issues. Time does not heal all wounds. Confronting them in a safe environment with someone you trust does. God cannot heal what you are not willing to reveal. If you are dealing with any type of substance, physical or verbal abuse, or other traumatic life event, seek professional help. There is no shame in asking for help to overcome a difficult issue in your life.
2. Get support. None of us were created to take on the world alone. When you are trying to rebuild a life you love, you need a strong support team. The inability to reach out and ask for help means you either think you don’t deserve help, or you have a pride issue. There are support groups for just about every type of problem or issue you are facing. Consult the internet or your local phone directory for groups near you.
3. Stay with the process. It is often scary when you are trying to make changes, especially big changes in your life. You may be tempted to turn back to your old habits, old behaviors and people. Sit with that uncomfortable feeling and know that it will not kill you. When you come out on the other side, you will be much stronger.
4. Learn your trigger points. If you have an anger problem, you need to learn what people and things trigger your anger. If you use a certain substance, what feelings and moods, places or people cause you to want to use again? Knowing yourself and understanding what makes you tick calls for self-examination and honesty.
5. Create a plan and have someone help you work your plan. Find a coach or mentor. Write down your goals and review them daily. These are basic steps to help you find and get on the road to recovery. Have you ever seen someone look at a map once and then drive all the way to their destination without ever looking at the map again? You should pick up your map often in order to get to where you are trying to go. Your map is your written goal plan and your navigator is your coach or mentor.
6. Be selective with everything, especially your friendships and relationships. It is better to be alone that to be surrounded by a pack of wolves. Negativity is like a cancer. When you hang around with negative people, it spreads like cancer. It can kill all potential for healthy growth and forward movement.
7. Control what you can and let the rest go. Some of our problems happen because we have trouble saying no to bad influences and things. Learn to stay in your lane. Create your own path. You are not responsible for other people’s mistakes, habits, hang-ups and mishaps. When you try to save the world, you may end up drowning yourself.
8. Manage your emotions or they will manage you. Anger is one emotion that will cause you to say too much and go too far. Fear with stop you from moving forward and keep you stuck in the past. Worry zaps your energy and causes anxiety. If you cannot manage your emotions, you are destined to make the same mistakes over and over.
9. Connect to your higher power. Trust and believe that someone bigger and greater is looking out for you at all times. Whether or not you allow God to work in your life is your choice. For some of us, this is difficult because of trust issues with a higher being we cannot see. If you live long enough, you start to realize that there are no coincidences or chance happenings in life. We are alive, well and breathing because He exists. Through prayer, meditation and reading his word, we can grow closer to Him and develop that all important relationship to sustain us through our challenging times.