Cultivating Life After Loss

Tracey Massey is a Grief Coach who has experienced loss firsthand and now seeks to help others carry their grief in their own way and keep on living one day at a time. Let’s meet her..

How long have you been a Grief Coach and where were you born and where are you based now?

I have been a Certified Grief Coach for three years. I was born in Washington, DC and I am based in Charlotte, NC.

Describe your church life growing up and the role your faith has played in your life and business?

I actually did not grow up in church. My mother grew up in the church and she told me she did not want me at church every time the doors opened. I knew about God, but I did not get to know Him until I was around twenty-five years old. A friend of mine kept inviting me to her church. The day I visited, she wasn’t there, but that was the day I gave my life to Christ, joined the church, and baptized. Faith has played a major role in my life and business. I pray over my business, clients, and followers on social media. I attach Scriptures to my personal and business goals. My mentors are women of faith who pray for me and keep me focused on God. Faith has allowed me to sift through things that don’t really matter and move forward in what I am purposed to do.

Tell our readers about your business and podcast platforms and how experiencing your own loss empowered you to help others heal from theirs and continue to flourish.

A prayer my daughter wrote in her Bible inspired my business, Living My EmPOWERed Life. I saw her prayer as I prepared for her funeral. When I started my coaching business, I did not know what the name would be until I moved her Bible, dropped it, and it opened to her prayer. As a Certified Life Coach, I initially started my business teaching others how to set and achieve their goals. It took some persistent persuasion from my mentors and friends for me to transition into the grief coaching space. They helped me to see that people need my unique voice in this space. Nothing about me looks like grief and I realize this is not a bad thing. I can teach others how to disrupt the cycle of grief and live the empowered life they deserve. The relationship with my best friends inspired my podcast, The Charging Station. When we get together, we talk about everything and have some great giggles. I wanted the vibe of the podcast to feel like our girlfriends coming together after a long week for some great conversations. At the end of each podcast, I pray for the listeners. The podcast is currently heard in fifty countries and counting! We were recently picked up on iHeart Radio. I am super excited about that because it was an answered prayer.

Tell us how the loss of your teen daughter initially affected you?

Losing my daughter initially sent me into shock. I struggled to believe she was gone. The morning after she died, I ran into the bedroom expecting to see her there. It was at that moment I realized my baby was no longer with me. I was surrounded by people, but I had never felt so alone. It felt like I had to “push through” and be strong when I was at the weakest point in my life. Honestly, I was dead inside and became this robotic shell of a person. It traumatized me.

Who did you turn to for help and support?

The obvious answer is “I turned to God”. Well, I was angry with God and could not pray. When I realized I could not pray, I knew I needed professional help. I found a therapist who helped me process what I was feeling and 5deal with my previous losses. I also incorporated Scripture and prayer into my healing journey.

Did you feel like any specific component/resource to your healing was missing at the time and how does your business seek to feel that void?

Absolutely! At the time of my daughter’s passing, there were no resources that paired spiritual practices with Mental Health. There was no safe space to express what I was feeling, thus no space or way to work through them. Living My EmPOWERed Life seeks to fill that void by not only creating a safe space but providing tools and resources to help clients thrive through grief.

I lost both of my parents by age 40 and my mother’s passing really shook me to my core where I  went through a three-year period of just basically not wanting to exist but doing so as a  necessity. What is the first thing you would advise someone to do when grief first darkens their door?

The first thing I do is tell them grief has no time limit and everyone grieves differently. I advise them to allow themselves to feel what they feel and grant themselves grace. I also advise them to seek professional help through a coach, therapist, or both early on to help them work through the process. Grief is not one size fits all. What works for one person may not work for the next, and it is important to have someone walk alongside you on this journey.

During this last year, I am sure that grief and the ways in which people deal have had to pivot due to isolation and pandemic requirements from not being able to have a regular homegoing for loved ones and feeling alone due to quarantines and work from home orders. Now that the  “world is opening up” how can someone who has reached their virtual help limits find solace in day-to-day activities?

This is something that those who follow and work with me hear me say often…”Grant yourself grace”. It is ok to take a step back and re-evaluate how you move in the world as it is now. Create a plan for getting back to doing things you did before the pandemic (safely and within restrictions of course). Take it slow and move at the level of your comfort. If what you did before the pandemic no longer serves you, don’t do it. If anything, the pandemic taught us the power of being flexible.

In a recent post, you mentioned you were reviewing applications for your coaching program.  Tell us about your program.

I am excited about this! My coaching program is a six-month, one-on-one coaching program that teaches women how to disrupt the cycle of grief. During our time together, I teach how to identify the stages of grief and we create a plan that you implement whenever grief shows up. You must apply to join the program. I’m doing applications only because I want to make sure the client is a good fit for coaching and is ready to do the work necessary to be successful in the program. The applications will open on July 1st, but the waitlist is now open.

You also mentioned looking forward to dating…so ummm what would your ideal date be?

Ha! I’m not spilling all of the tea! I will say, the guy who takes me out needs to be a great listener and execute what he hears. I literally say what I like and give options. I like guys who are creative and plan out the date. Anyone can plan a dinner and a movie, but if he plans a picnic and the movie is on a portable screen in the backyard…he wins.

Why it is important to unplug (self-care) sometimes?

Simply put, for your mental health. We are bombarded with images, think pieces, and opinions multiple times a day. This can be overwhelming, especially in the age of social media. We are viewing people’s highlight reels yet comparing our lives to their edited versions. Taking time to unplug allows my brain to reset. Each month, I set aside a weekend where I focus on self-care. Unplugging stirs up creativity and replenishes energy. I also unplug 15-30 minutes a day to reset.

You were young when you became a parent. Have you found that age plays any role in how we deal with and recover from grief?

Not really. I found myself dealing with grief at 45 the same way I dealt with it at 25. The main difference is my “recovery” time is faster because of the tools I’ve picked up along the way.

If healing was a color for you, what color would it be?

Blue.

People grieve many things, not just people. What can women do to replenish themselves when they experience loss of any kind?

(Back to my soapbox) First off, give yourself grace.

What brings Tracey joy?

Simple things like listening to birds sing, being near water, and Sunday naps bring me joy.

Lastly, what is one thing you wished more people understood about people who are grieving so they can be a provider of light instead of a darkness trigger?

I wish more people would understand that everyone grieves differently and there is no time limit on grief. Just because we may have experienced the same type of loss does not mean grief will look the same. One sure-fire way to trigger someone grieving is by telling them to get over it. Grief is not something you get over. If you want to be a light, listen to the person, watch for signs of distress, and be present.

Want to know more about Tracey and her services? Find her on Instagram @livingmyempoweredlife