Each woman who participated in this book had their own story to tell. They all had their own journey to get to this point where they could not only share but also direct their feelings, some unresolved- to the ones who caused them pain. Lets first talk to some of the powerful contributors to this project.
ABOUT THE BOOK
A raw collection of transparent and emotional letters, A Letter To My Abuser: Once a Victim, Forever Victorious, provides an opportunity for those who’ve experienced abuse to share their stories while confronting their abusers and inspiring others. These brave women will challenge readers to redefine abuse in its various forms. This collaboration gives a unique platform of healing for those previously silenced by abuse and empowers them to use their voices as they journey from victims to victors.
Abuse materializes in many ways and many levels. Looking back what emotion (one to two words) best describes how you felt after your first encounter?
Lisa R. Lloyd – Two words that describes the emotion I felt after my first encounter is Rejection, Betrayal
Furelise Smith – Bewildered
Christina A. Jiles – Lost
Teresa E. Mack – Shocked or Emotionally paralyzed.
Che’meen Johnson – I felt disappointed and weak; I had let me down by not standing in my truth.
Miss Buttafly – Helpless. Wrong.
Has not being healed ever caused you to project the same abuse you experienced – onto someone else? If so, how did you pull back and recognize you needed heal yourself?
Lisa R. Lloyd – Not being healed caused to me to fall into emotional abuse relationships, I pulled backed and realized that I am the most important person and I need to learn to LOVE ME first. I stayed in the face of GOD and as He healed me I prayed that He also made me whole.
Teresa E. Mack – I noticed that I felt a lot of anger towards men. On the surface I didn’t feel as if I showed anger towards men, but subconsciously I felt that I would never trust or allow myself to be vulnerable in any relationship.
Che’meen Johnson – My greatest abuser has been myself and the things I have or haven’t done that have sabotage me from living my life to the fullest.
Miss Buttafly – In my case, I would say yes. I was very cruel and manipulative in how I would speak to people I felt superior to. When I realized that I was perpetuating the same verbal abuse on others that I experienced, it caused me to open myself up more to empathy. I know what it feels like to have someone try to destroy me verbally and energetically. I never want anyone else to feel that way.
Describe your relationship (or lack thereof) with your abusers now?
Furelise Smith – The abuse occurred when we were children. The relationship I had with my brother as a child and through young adulthood was that he was my protector and confidant. My relationship with him changed when I became sexually active and remembered the abuse. When I confronted him, his response was: “I don’t remember that, but it doesn’t sound like something that didn’t happen.” His non-denial let me know that I was going to have to deal with the experience of sexual violation without his help. I DID. We remained congenial until his transition in 2009.
Christina A. Jiles – One of the people I spoke about is deceased. There is no relationship with anyone.
Teresa E. Mack – I have not spoken to my abuser since the divorce. I have communicated with his family periodically.
Che’meen Johnson – Today I have a great relationship with myself, I am wiser and have taken the time to look over my life and make some determinations of things I will and won’t do in the future. Missteps will happen in life, learn from them and don’t keep making the same mistakes.
Miss Buttafly – My father was my first abuser. Our relationship has endured many ups and downs, but currently we are close. I don’t speak to any of the other men who abused me.
What is forgiveness to you?
Lisa R. Lloyd – Forgiveness to me is forgiving the person that had wrong you, or abuse you and loving them whole heartily.
Furelise Smith – FORGIVENNESS IS FOR ME!! FORGIVENESS FREED ME!!! I have forgiven myself for the thoughts, feelings and behaviors I experienced because of what I TOLD MYSELF ABOUT MYSELF as a result of being sexually violated by my brother. Although my brother was a perpetrator, I was/am NOT a victim. I felt victimized because of the shame, guilt, and blame I internalized due to being raped by my brother. Experiencing and working through the process of forgiveness, which is continuous, has taught me that I AM A VICTOR.
Christina A. Jiles – Having the strength to let go and to try and figure out the lesson in it all.
Teresa E. Mack – Forgiveness is the peace and the freedom to love and let go. To love yourself and the offender without holding any vengeful feelings, and to let the offense go and grow forward from it. It does not mean re-entry back into a bad situation.
Che’meen Johnson – Forgiveness for me is not holding on to anything from any past situation but the lesson and being grateful for it.
Miss Buttafly – Forgiveness, to me, is releasing the desire for revenge or vengeance and rebounding that energy back to its originator. It’s finding the place of peace within myself that says regardless of another’s action or inaction toward me, I AM undaunted.
What is your version of self-love in your life? How do you maintain a constant love affair with your own joy?
Lisa R. Lloyd – Self-Love in my life is making me a priority not selfishly but taking time for me and learning to say NO. When it step over boundaries. I maintain a constant love affair with my own joy through worship as I worship the JOY of the LORD adds strength, peace and joy to my life.
Furelise Smith – My version of self-love is grounded in my spiritual practices….. meditation, affirmative prayer, inspirational reading, journaling, service to others. I maintain a constant love affair with my own joy by consistently engaging in experiences that bring me joy…. traveling, writing, reading, living in a beach home during the winter, pleasurable interactions with like-minded people.
Christina A. Jiles – Accepting my flaws, embracing my quirkiness and lots of meditation and beach time!
Teresa E. Mack – Self-Love is the embodiment of accepting myself and my experiences and using them as stepping stones to progress. One of my favorite scriptures is Romans 8:28 “..and we know that all things work together for go to them who love God and are the called according to His purpose.” Every pain and every heartache that we experience has a purpose and if we can hold on to our trust in God though the process we will see that purpose over time. It is not an easy process, but it is possible. I continually affirm myself by prayer and reading the Word of God. When I stay connected to God, it constantly reminds of my worth to God and that I have a purpose.
Che’meen Johnson – Self-love for me is being in love with every ounce of me, when I am at my highest level of consciousness or my lowest. I maintain my constant love and joy by treating myself with kindness and operating from a place of gratitude.
Miss Buttafly – Forgiveness, to me, is releasing the desire for revenge or vengeance and rebounding that energy back to its originator. It’s finding the place of peace within myself that says regardless of another’s action or inaction toward me, I AM undaunted.
What made you want to participate in this project?
Lisa R. Lloyd – What made me want to participate in this project is being able to share another level that reached deeply into what I needed to say to my abuser. Even though I thought I was free it reached beyond and allowed emotions to center that needed to be dealt with, as I wrote from my heart it felt wonderful to be able to release on this level and share while helping someone else.
Furelise Smith – I was made aware of this project by a friend. My participation in this project is an integral part of my healing/growth process. I was ready to share my experience of abuse. Writing is one of the ways I let my soul out to play.
Christina A. Jiles – It was time to purge all of the feelings I had been holding on to since I was young. If I can help just one other woman then it is totally worth it!
Teresa E. Mack – I participated in this project because I felt as though it was time for me to tell my story. So many people hound and old feel as though they are in their struggle alone and that no one has ever experienced what they have gone through. Everything that we have experienced in life is not only for us, but it is for someone else and
Che’meen Johnson – I loved the whole concept of writing a healing letters. I like the idea to confronting the hurt, pain and disappointment, then moving past it to a place of true healing. I have written similar letters in the past, but never wanted to share the experience with others. I am hoping by writing my experience someone will understand and be helped on their healing journey.
I feel that my story will eventually help someone be for from the clutches of their abusive situation.
Miss Buttafly – I was attracted to this project when Sharisa approached me about being a contributor. I am a published author, and I am also a survivor. It just seemed like the perfect fit.
What would you say to someone who is in the exact same situation as you were now?
Lisa R. Lloyd – If I had to say something to someone that was in the same situation I was in, I would assist them in evaluating their life now and assist them with a plan for the future. I will mainly reach out to the inner hurt and low self-esteem that caused the root of pain that causes them to suffer now. I will help them build themselves that they may see that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, and everything GOD made is good.
Furelise Smith – I encourage any child who is being abused in any way, to find a supportive adult and TELL. I realize that children tend to suppress memories of abuse, so I suggest seeking professional therapy whenever the experience of abuse comes into your awareness.
Christina A. Jiles – Speak out! Spare no one’s feelings and get the help you need. Don’t worry about who may not believe or support you. You will find support in so many others who have a similar story.
Teresa E. Mack – Don’t lose hope. Ask God for protection, guidance, and the strength to leave, and listen to His direction. There will be fear, but trusting in God will stomp out that fear. Many times people feel as though they have to return back to an abusive situation because they don’t have anywhere else to go or anyone to turn to. God.
Che’meen Johnson – I would tell them no one is coming to rescue you, you need to do the work to be healed. You will need to want peace more than being right or revenge and to know that healing is possible. Yes, you can shut off any negative self-talk by canceling it out and saying a prayer.
Miss Buttafly – I would tell a person who is living under the oppression of verbal or non-sexual/physical abuse to develop a practice that allows them to be with themselves; i.e. meditation or yoga. I would encourage them to read as many books and articles about ambient abuse and become educated.
- I would encourage them to find support.
- I would encourage them to find healthy release; i.e., art or a hobby.
- I would encourage them to leave.
Just like abuse, healing also manifests in many ways and is defined differently. What does your recovery and healing look like to you?
Lisa R. Lloyd – My recover to me looks like the fruits of the spirit, attributes of a Christian according to Paul the Apostle in his Letter to the Galatians: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”
Furelise Smith – My recovery and healing have been immensely supported by my participation in this book collaboration and whatever occurs as a result of the publication of this book will further enhance my growth. My story is no longer a secret and I know my sharing in this collaboration will support/encourage others. I am consistently conscientious about working with my psychotherapist and other healthcare professionals. I practice daily self care to keep myself energized and moving forward.
Christina A. Jiles – Love. I couldn’t keep asking why me. I had to start asking, “why not me?” I have loved a lot in my life. It didn’t always yield the results I may have wanted but it yielded the results that I needed.
Teresa E. Mack – Recovery for me is ongoing, but it has allowed me to find freedom in expressing my emotions on a different level. I am a published author sharing my story through poetry and words of comfort to people who feel alone and emotionally numb.
Che’meen Johnson – My recovery and healing is all about honoring me, my feelings and not playing small. It’s about showing up in my life fully present, intentional and on purpose. I am willing to do the work necessary to have a life of significance.
Miss Buttafly – I am healing daily. I realize that just like I didn’t suffer from the abuse just one time, it will take many rounds of healing to completely recover from a lifetime of verbal abuse. However, I am
dedicated to not only my healing, but that of my family. I believe that love can go back in time
and heal a broken heart. I believe that love can break curses. I believe that love is the medicine.
And this is how I heal myself.
Sharisa Robertson is the dynamic mastermind of this project and several others where she seeks to find others who want to address the situations, people and issues that kept them from healing for so long.
What was the inspiration behind this book?
While I was publishing my first book collaboration (5 years ago) A Letter To My Mother: A Daughter’s Perspective I got the idea to do one for women who experienced abuse. My thought was, as in any book project I do it could be a great platform that can provide healing, insight, understanding, and empowerment not just for the readers but for the authors as well.
What did you hope to accomplish with this project?
-To provide an outlet for those who have been abused
-To raise awareness about the different forms of abuse
-To be the voice and advocate for the abused
-To shift the narrative of the abused from victim to victorious
-To allow these women an authentic, safe and uncensored space to express their thoughts and experiences.
-To provide a space and an opportunity to heal
-To use writing as the therapeutic tool that it is
-To turn pain into purpose
-To touch lightly on living after abuse
-To provide information on abuse
And lastly to take a subject that has been discussed and written about many times but present it with a twist, reading the would be intimate letters or conversation of what the women would say to their abuser if given the opportunity.
Was there a common thread that you noticed in the abuse stories you encountered?
There is a sense of strength, resilience, freedom, self-awareness, and confidence that they all share. Doing book collaborations are a challenge from beginning to end, especially one of this topic. So getting women to actually commit to joining the process is hard. Getting them to write is even harder. But the hardest part is getting them to flow from their hearts and not hold back what they feel they need and want to say and still be comfortable with what they share. I don’t expect for anyone to share every single detail but a lot of women/girls I have collaborated with, usually hold back or are hesitant on what to write and while writing a lot of painful memories of course comes up and that has to be dealt with as well. These ladies gave me there all. I got more than I expected without having to even ask for it. I told them what I wanted and I got the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful from them. And for that I was shocked because I went in assuming I was going to have to hold their hands, have some virtual hugs and tissues available but I didn’t. And even if I did it wouldn’t make them any less strong or confident nor did it mean that maybe they still have some healing to do, as there are many layers to the healing process. It just became very clear to me that the authors of A Letter To My Abuser all knew that their stories contributed to who they are but did not define them. They didn’t need much for me outside of the project criteria. Our subtitle, Once a Victim, Forever Victorious suits them very well.
What are you working on next?
In a few months, I will announce my next book collaboration idea, I have at least 3 more I know I will be doing in the future. I am always nervous when doing book collaboration launches because I never know if people will want to share and if people will want to read but I know these stories have to be told. I am extremely nervous but excited about this next topic, though.
I am releasing book number 7 this summer (not a collaborative project). It is currently being edited and called, The Realest Shift Ever Felt: Changing the Way You Feel About Your Feelings. I also plan to launch a greeting card line that will be just as raw and with a twist or two, just as my book project are, dealing with different issues and perspectives.
I hope to do live events this year as well, incorporating the power of writing/letter writing as a way to dig into emotions and seeing how our feelings are a secret weapon for our greater good.
Visit Sharisa’s Amazon Author page to support all her literary projects.
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Lilies of the Field Media, LLC specializes in telling stories that not only brings healing to our audience but also to the authors and creators of the stories. We dig deep to bring you the perspectives of touchy, taboo issues that MUST be addressed.
Transforming lives by combating serious issues through telling one story a time, Lilies of the Field Media, LLC creates healing spaces through writing and other creative outlets. One story at a time, LOTF Media confronts issues of abuse, dysfunction, and emotional complexities by creating healing spaces through literature and other creative outlets and artistries. For more information visit lotfmedia.com.
