How to Relax, Relate and Resist During a Pandemic
A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she’d participated in the protests for days and after seeing someone damage a monument of Abraham Lincoln, she took a closer look around. Most, she said, were there protesting the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. Others were asking for the defunding of police and some just wanted to stir trouble.
It upset her that there was no “one” call to action. And she couldn’t fathom asking the government to cut the funding of the people who keep our neighborhoods safe. And all the profanity with children around was appalling. And to smash Lincoln’s face when he’s the one who freed the slaves is intolerable. And that “if you stand for anger and confusion – that’s your call.”
And as you’ve probably guessed…the woman who posted all of this is white.
First of all (insert neck roll), Abraham Lincoln said if he could’ve saved the union without freeing a single slave, he would’ve. Second of all, people are mad for a whole buncha different reasons and they have a right to hit the streets with all of those reasons. Third, the same police you saying are here to keep us safe are the same ones who killed 1,004 people while on duty last year. Is that who you’re referring to?
The organization that stood by and watched more than 4,400 black people get lynched in the U.S. between 1887 and 1950? The ones who put a gun to my face and ordered me out the car and onto the ground when I was 18 years old just because my boyfriend asked why they wanted his identification although he wasn’t driving? Them?
Then you said you don’t want to leave a world of anger and disrespect but one where hope thrives. You don’t think that’s what we want? You think we’re out there for shits and giggles? Because we have nothing better to do? Let me guess: MLK did it peacefully, so why can’t we? He was murdered too, you know?
Answer me, Karen?!
These are things I wanted to say. I’d start typing then delete it. I did that about 50-11 times before finally just…unfriending her. It wasn’t worth my peace. And I’m a huge advocate for not going back and forth with people who don’t care to understand. For not trying to be an anti-racist educator when there are folk out there who actually get paid to do that.
Why did she get to me then?
I needed to answer that for myself. I concluded that it’s because it caught me off guard, seeing someone who I assumed was an ally flip the script while allowing other white folk to jump in the comments congratulating her and condemning the protestors. It reminded me of the white women I’ve worked with over the years who were totally Karens but saw themselves as Elizabeth Warrens. Women who poked and prodded then yelled foul when called out on their BS (and cried when no one took their side).
Note: According to a hilariously brilliant meme/acronym I recently read, a “Karen” is a white woman who Knows her rights, Accuses everyone, Requests a manager, Escalates to authorities, and Neglects reason.
While anger is a righteous, sacred emotion, I didn’t have space for it at the time. I replaced the anger and bitterness I was feeling by first asking myself how I wanted to feel. (I got that tip from my sista friend, Akilah S. Richards.) The answer was unbothered and deeply in support of the people whose words and actions align with what I consider righteousness.
After unfriending Karen, a fire video of Tamika D. Mallory scrolled across my feed. She called the U.S. out for looting Black people and the Native Americans. “We learned it from you!” she shouted. “We learned violence from you…If you want us to do better, then damnit you do better!”
I let that video play about five times straight before shaking off my goosebumps and following her page and donating to her organization, Until Freedom. So many organizations—new and old—need help. Organizations in Minneapolis, for instance, include: the George Floyd Memorial Fund, the Minnesota Freedom Fund, and the Black Visions Collective. Others outside of Minneapolis include: the Louisville Community Bail Fund, the Atlanta Solidarity Fund, Detroit’s Bail Fund, etc.
Check your local community too and remember that donations are still necessary even if it ain’t protest related (I recently donated to a local organization that helps single mothers get on their feet, and if that ain’t revolutionary then I don’t know what is.) One-on-one donations are a blessing too! If you know someone whose boots are on the ground, ask for their Cashapp, Venmo, or PayPal and bless ‘em with what you can.
We can’t control what others do, but we can certainly control how we react to it. If responding is your thing, do that. If anger is what you want to feel or can’t help but feeling right now, I understand. Resist with anger, with grief, with joy, with love, with whatever feels necessary for you at the time.
As Deepak Chopra pointed out, “All great change is preceded by chaos,” but that doesn’t mean it won’t be stressful. Shifts and pivots like the ones we’ve been going through since the top of 2020 is more likely than not to leave you wondering what more you can do or even when it will all be over so your anxiety can relax. Here are a few things that’s been working for me:
Turn it off
We’re experiencing two pandemics: Coronavirus and racism. Everything that comes with that can wear you down physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and probably financially. Taking care of yourself is a critical part of the struggle. The burnout is real and the ongoing stimulation only adds to it. Three things I do at some point every single day is: unplug, find pleasure, and give myself permission to release one thought/worry. It works.
Get some sun
Not only will it make you sweat, which is aids in detoxing our minds, bodies, and spirits, but it releases chemicals in your brain that boosts your mood and help you sleep better at night.
Vent
Whether it’s to a friend, family member, counselor, or journal, get it out. It’s important. Speak what’s on your mind. Ask your questions, voice your frustrations—even if they feel selfish. Thoughts that go unspoken become clutter in your mind. Clean ‘em out with some good ole’ fashion venting. Something that I practice with my friends is letting them know if I want advice or not and offering them space to vent with or without my input as well.
Declutter
That goes for your physical spaces (your bedroom, junk drawer, car, office, etc.), your digital spaces (social media, phone, computer), and your mental space. If it ain’t conducive to my peace or productivity, it gotta go.
I’ll close with a quote that I recently read on Instagram: “Resistance is not a one lane highway. Maybe your lane is protesting, maybe your lane is organizing, maybe your lane is counseling, maybe your lane is art activism, maybe your lane is surviving the day. Do not feel guilty for not occupying every lane. We need all of them.”
And if you know more women we should be connected with right now or other organizations worth donating to, please share in the comments below.
