Her Journey to the Stage

My Journey to the Stage

Melinda Gainer isn’t an actress. She hasn’t won a Tony, Emmy, or an Oscar. She hasn’t starred in any Tyler Perry plays or walked the red carpet at The Golden Globes. But after being diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast Cancer this past summer (later found to be Stage 3A during surgery) she is preparing for her biggest role yet – Cancer Survivor.

How did you handle the news after your initial diagnosis?

 

I was nervous but quickly accepted the diagnosis. The local Breast Center was located in the medical park where I was about to have a chiropractic appointment. The breast navigator told me when as I was sitting in the car. I went into the chiropractor appointment and canceled it, and drove to the Breast Center, where the navigator (Meg) was still working. I broke down when I got there and we talked for a long time about my diagnosis. Everything looked good and the diagnosis was very promising. The first thing I did when I got home was have a glass (maybe a bottle) of wine!

Was there anything significant about how you were diagnosed (i.e.: regular mammogram…symptoms…prior misdiagnosis?)

 

“For Good Measure” that is the theme of my diagnosis. I was being seen regularly at the Breast Center of Chesapeake because I was considered high risk (I had fibrocystic breast and a few masses that were benign in the past). After a 3D Mammogram and Ultra Sound in December, the Nurse Practitioner, asked if I wanted to do an MRI. It was an option that would be available to me if I wanted to do it for “good measure.” That was December 2017. She asked me to call back to set up the MRI after the holiday and after my travel schedule for work subsided. I never called. In June 2018 when it was time for a 6-month check-up, the receptionist saw in my file an option for an MRI and asked if I wanted to have that along with the mammogram. I agreed. The MRI was somewhat of a random option.

 

The MRI showed a small 2cm mass in my left breast that tested positive as ER+ Mucinous Carcinoma. I was told it was a non-aggressive form and that I would probably need surgery (a lumpectomy) and radiation. As I was going to meet the different oncologists, the Radiation Oncologist did a hand exam of my breast and immediately said I had a Stage 3 tumor. I took the news badly and called my Breast Surgeon. The breast surgeon saw me again and did an ultra sound of the area and was unclear as to why the Radiation Oncologist would say it was a Stage 3 tumor. I was told by the Breast Surgeon and the Medical Oncologist the mass was more than likely scar tissue from a previous Breast Reduction. I had surgery September 21, 2018 and my diagnosis changed radically. The Radiation Oncologist was right, the small, easy to treat, stage 1 or 2 mass was a 7cm tumor that had spread to 1 of 12 lymph nodes. Taking me to stage 3A. After this the entire game changed. This was now my diagnosis. I took it hard. I went from having something that would be easily managed to having something that would require an aggressive treatment. I also went to the Cancer Treatment Center of America for a second opinion once the diagnosis changed.

Who did you tell first?

 

Aside from Sharon (the receptionist at the chiropractor), I called my friend Bianca. I was driving home and she asked me how my last day of work was going (July 31st was my last day at work), I remember saying, “it would have been fine, if I had not gotten this call telling me I have breast cancer.”

 

Had you been exposed to the journey through prior diagnosed friends or family?

 

Yes, two of my close friends (who were each other’s very close friends) from college, Laronda and Beth were diagnosed within 4 months of each other. Beth learned her diagnosis because Laronda encouraged our entire circle to get mammograms although at the time, we were not 40. Laronda is almost at her 5-year success mark. Beth, survived only 8 months after diagnosis. Laronda shared with me, Beth told her, that she was grateful for Laronda’s insistence that we have mammograms gave her a longer time to be with her little boys and husband. Beth’s cancer was aggressive. She died November 13, 2015.

 

What has been the hardest part for you?

 

There are several hard things for me to handle. I unhealthily focus on Beth’s death. I rehearse our last conversations; her death haunts me. I worry, what if this is me? Chemo (the process and the actual drug) is NO JOKE. Going into a cold place, sitting in a weird leather recliner, while being forced snacks of chicken or tuna salad is just as hard as the actual chemo drugs themselves; being surrounded by sickness is hard. I normally sit next to a 34-year-old woman who was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She has an amazing spirit and we both have a similar since of humor, but knowing there are women younger than me going through this is really hard.

 

What do you do for self-care?

I pray. I’ve been also trying to go for a massage once a month. I found a spa in my area that provides oncologic massage therapy. When I have energy, I cook for friends and try new recipes. I have a cookbook collection (I started formally collecting in 2017), and I pull out random recipes to try…mainly sweets, which I am not supposed to have-shhhh.

 

Do you have a strong “sister circle” around you for support?

 

Perhaps the strongest on the land. I have the GLAM SQUAD which consists of friends who live in the local area who represent different stages of friendships. Some I’ve known since Jr. High & High School, some from college, sorority sisters, girls who were once my mentees who are now grown mothers and wives. The age of the GLAM SQUAD ranges from 30-52. They immediately hit the ground running. They created a website for meals, it was sent to my Sorority Chapter (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.) and before my friends could sign up, the Sorority filled up the days to bring food. I have a close-knit group from my church, Grace Episcopal Church who have gone to a lot of my chemo sessions. My mother’s friends and neighbors have been a sister circle as well. All of these groups have merged together and have blessed me tremendously.

Have you been able to continue to work and carry on with your daily activities?

 

I was told by my employer, after I had been on leave for uterine surgery and while I was going through the initial testing on my breast, that my contract would not be renewed. I now know, the job loss happened for a reason; besides the fact the work environment was highly toxic and an unhealthy environment even for the healthiest of people; I would have tried to keep up with things, travel and manage everything as best as I could which would have been detrimental. There is no way possible I could have worked. I am often tired. I sleep a lot. In the beginning of treatment, I was very nauseated as well as fatigued. There are days, taking a shower, are exhausting.

 

What are your hobbies?

 

I enjoy entertaining, which I still do on a smaller scale. For instance, I hosted a cooking Demo with the Glam Squad where we made a series of miniature entrees where we showed everyone how to make simple things that would be crowd pleasers. I hosted a Christmas Brunch as a way to say “thank you” for the Glam Squad as well. I serve as the Board CEO for the local chapter of my sorority’s charitable foundation. I also try to rehearse and sing with my church choir as much as I can.

 

What’s the last book you read?

 

Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson

 

Who or what inspires you to keep pushing?

 

My mother. She is probably one of the strongest, most measured women I know. She is prayerful (and pushy…in only the best way 🙂 ). She wants so badly to see my life evolve into what we have both prayed for; my friends and family keep me an inspired; and life keeps me inspired. There is so much I want to do, so much I have not done, and many things I’d like to do again…Life inspires me to keep pushing.

 

What have you learned about yourself ?

 

I learned in the past I spent a lot of time questioning if I was loved, respected, or even liked at times. I often allowed myself to wallow in feelings of neglect or some other odd form of inadequacy. This experience has debunked any self-doubt I placed on myself. I have made a vow to never question if I am loved, respected, or liked because God has used this time to show me how wonderful people are and how much I am loved.

To reach out, show support or follow Melinda, visit her Instagram page here.