Healing in a Bathtub
As I write this blog, I realize how long it has been since my last entry. I’ve missed sharing my life and my story with you. Being open and transparent with you. So today allow me to share with you the healing that I have been able to experience within the past few days.
As a self-care routine, typically I take a bath with sandalwood scented candles all around with either smooth jazz or girl empowerment music. To set the tone and create a soulful sanctuary in my bathroom. I usually invite the Holy Spirit in my self-care time to prevent my mind from wandering and to exercise being fully exposed to God both spiritually and otherwise. Yesterday, after listening to Iyanla Vanzant’s Segment at the Essence Festival, I decided to ensure that any residual toxic feelings I held in my body would be removed.
As I used my rose petal scented salts, I began to forgive others vocally for all the hurt they had caused in my life. As I went through the list, I realized how much I blamed myself and scolded myself thinking, ‘I should have known better.’ There goes that inner critic again! This time I decided I needed to go to the source of why I was so hard on myself.
As a young child, about 5-year old, we had boarders at our house in Jamaica. There was one particular border, about 16 years old, who seemed nice to me. But at the time I didn’t think anything of it. One night what initially started as kids playing around soon turned into something else, he lifted me up and placed me on the bed and I instinctively knew that something was wrong. Within a few seconds, I dashed out of the room and told my mother what had happened.
The next day, I heard my Father yelling at the top of his lungs at the boarder. Instantly, I felt as though I had done something wrong and proceeded to hide behind the refrigerator. Though my Father came to me with a beautiful, loving smile on his face and a warm hug. I still felt responsible. I still felt as though I did something wrong.
As I stayed in the bathtub, this memory came to my mind, I had finally found the source of my inner critic. Now it was time to heal the little girl paralyzed behind the refrigerator. With tears flowing I closed my eyes and pictured little Crissy terrified, judging herself and resting her head on her knees.
In my mind, I Crystal, walked to little Crissy and told her “Baby girl, it’s me, Future Crystal, you’ve done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, you have a powerful inner sense that tells you when something isn’t right. This moment will make you question it, but you are more powerful than you think. It will take you 29 years to figure out how amazing you indeed are, but love I need you to take my hand and begin a new story from this moment on.” Cautiously Crissy took my hand and we engaged in a long embrace. When I opened my eyes the amount of tears that flowed, shocked me.
In healing Crissy, I healed Crystal. In my bathtub with smooth jazz music on. It was a moment that I knew was Holy Spirit led and I know will transform my life forever. I challenge every woman to heal the little girl inside of them. Your destiny and purpose depend on it.
So now it’s your turn:
- Create a sacred space in your bathroom with candles and music playing in the background
- Pray for the Holy Spirit to bring to the surface intentional or unintentional wounds that need to be healed.
- Start with forgiving those who’ve hurt you and then begin to forgive yourself.
God restores my soul (Psalm 23:3)
