CAN WE MAKE IT AFTER INFIDELITY?
Faithfulness and trustworthiness is key to every successful and long-lasting relationship, especially the marital relationship. It suffices to say that marital bliss that lasts forever hinges upon the fact that both partners are true and open-hearted to themselves, on any issue which might threaten their togetherness.
Your marriage can survive an affair. Healing from infidelity is hard, painful work; both of you must be committed to repairing the damage, rebuilding trust, and reconnecting. The unfaithful spouse must be willing to stop the affair, provide all details honestly and completely, and take the steps necessary to prove his or her trustworthiness.
What is Infidelity?
Infidelity is any sexual/emotional relationship, outside the confines a committed relationship of which marital vows were taken. It involves having a sexual or emotional affair with another person than your partner.
Is your marriage at the verge of crashing down? Do you feel cheated by your partner? Hold on! I have good news for you. Situations of infidelity can recovery.
The answer, Ask any questions and Attitude is everything
At first, you may want all the details: How often did you meet? When did you cross the line? What did you both share? How many times or long was the relationship? Where? How much money did you spend on him or her? Who else knows about the affair? Later, your questions may change as you think about the reasons he or she choose to have the affair. Marriage specialist suggests that couples heal better after an affair if the spouse shares all of the details requested by his or her betrayed partner.
Winston Churchill said;
“Attitude is the little thing that makes a big difference.”
Your attitude is your disposition or your state of mind in any situation. It is, however, the way you perceive the happenings around you.
The truth is, God knows that unexpected and painful situations will interrupt our lives. Yet, God has a formula we could use to deal with a situation like this, especially that of infidelity.
This formula of God is an attitude of do not let your heart be troubled (John 14:1).
Know therefore that the situation in your marriage is temporary. You don’t have to allow infidelity tear you apart but again, it is HARD work.
- Be willing to overcome & Set a time limit on affair talk
Restrict yourselves to 15 to 30 minutes. Don’t let the affair take over your lives. Spend time together without talking about the affair Regardless of what you are going through right now, you must believe you can overcome it because; God is also there with you. God said He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
- Create long-term goals for yourself.
This is a real indicator that you have let go of the past and are ready to move on. Start to sow the seeds for your future, new hobbies, new classes, write a book, new workout routine and create some exciting plans for yourself.
- Do an Evaluation of the relationship
Evaluate if the marriage/relationship is over. If not you will have to work really hard to Not emotionally investing in the past. The more you hold onto the past, the more you will recreate the moment of betrayal. Ask yourself honestly: Are you willing to work through the recovery process? What do you need? Why?
- Expose all hidden thoughts and bitterness in prayers –
Deal with the anger, rage, shame, and hurt without harming yourself or others. Find a support system with a trusted friend or professional who can give you space to just be with your feelings.
Let God know your deep thoughts. King David suffered infidelity, a terrible one at such that his wife was slept with on top of the roof (2 Samuel 16:22). Even at that, David turned his anger and bitterness only to God in prayers (Psalm 77:1-2).
- Give and BE yourself authentically.
The energy it takes to keep up false airs is not worth it. By being kind and forgiving to yourself and, you will find yourself be confident in a way you never had before, which speeds up the recovery process. If you feel betrayed by your spouse’s infidelity, express that honestly and constructively. If you feel scared do not be ashamed to talk about that.
- Have Trust in the process.
Keep going. Every step, no matter how hard, small, or slow keep moving forward…Reassurance is needed for the betrayed partner that they can take as much time as they need to rebuild trust. Patience and trusting the process it is likely to bring about a deepening of the connection between the two of you. Resist the temptation to urge your spouse to “get over it”. Speak reassuring words like: “I know that I am serious about this recovery and I understand that you need more time to see the evidence and trust me. I can give you all the time you need”.
- Inspire others by your victory-
Lastly, the bible says, “he [or she] that makes friend with the wise will become wiser but anyone that associates with fools will be ruined.” (Prov. 13:20). The moment you realize that your spouse/partner had been unfaithful. You will desire to be around people for physical and emotional support. Betrayal is a big deal, and dealing with it on your own is incredibly hard. Regardless of what you choose to do about the state of your marriage, seeking out trusted friends, pastors, and licensed counselors are all great options.
Now that you had suffered for a while and come to a place of victory over the challenges. It is time to Join marriage small groups, facilitate, teach, write a book and tell your victory story. Stay surrounded by healthy relationships and become an infidelity recovery expert.
