But What If Love
You have to go after what you want. Briana Clark believes the same applies in relationships. Love is no different. Finding love at age 65 has shown her that risking your heart without compromising who you are is a worthy cause. She is willing to always give love a try and knowing what she knows now she has taken a chance and relocated her life and heart to where it has been drawn. Even after a loss, she isn’t giving up on love. And neither should you. Let’s chat with her.
What did love look like to you at 35 versus 65?
Sad to say my thoughts and feelings about love when I was 35 were superficial at best. I thought “love” was about sexual attraction, whether you made me laugh, bettered my life financially or socially.
Now, I know love is about accepting a person for who they truly are. Love is not an emotion of fuzzies- it is the day-to-day living with respect, caring, commitment communication, and honor. Love is a verb- and it’s also a bonus to be all of the other things that I thought love was.
Before this relationship came into view where was your mindset on dating or new relationships in general?
I was too busy for a relationship. I wanted a monogamous sexual partner where we would schedule dinners and have sex based on our work schedules.
Do you have a social circle of friends whom you were able to share with as well as gain further insight on what your next move would be?
I have a very limited group of friends and family that I share my personal life with. Unfortunately, many of my former friends saw men as commodities for money or sex, or social positioning. But let me digress: I was married to an amazing man who died of a rare form of cancer when I was 53.
Very few men could “wear his shoes “. I settled for a charming Artist 7 years younger than me that added very little and asked very little of me. I now know that relationships are there to make you happy, but a better person than you were before the relationship. So, for years I dabbled with this man- and gained little on a growth level- but I did get some beautiful art. I must also add, like myself many of my friends are attorneys- working long hours and childless. These were hard women for whom men and relationships were an option.
I learned through the relationship that I am working on- that the advice of these women did not work for me or the relationship. In fact, many of my friends had never been married.
Have you always taken chances or risks on love or is this completely taking you out of your usual comfort zone?
I was terrible in relationships. I cheated. I dumped men. I used men. I could walk away without looking back or breaking my stride. Men referred to me as a femme fatale- a heart breaker- a man-eater – “the dumper”. It was only until I met this man that I have become emotionally an adult. And also, with six decades behind me and self-reflection- I learned what was important and meaningful to me. This man altered me profoundly.
Why do you feel love – at the end of the day- is worth it?
Love and relationships are what life is about. If I had all the money and fame in the world but did not have meaningful relationships- I would have nothing. During this relationship, I learned to love myself, and my few friends and family members, in a deeper more meaningful way.
How did you meet? How did you build and how did you nurture this relationship?
We met online- he met all of my criteria- well-read, model good looking, tall, well educated, well-traveled, a deep thinker, funny, could dance, and was committed to the greater good.
He made me grow. I sometimes wonder what he saw in me- although I too am attractive and all the things that he is- but I was shallow compared to him.
I nurture the relationship by taking care of myself, being true to myself and honoring my word, and allowing him to be who he is. We allow each other the freedom to be who we are with the intent of bettering the other person.
When did you know that your heart was being held captive?
I knew my heart was his- when I could love him the way he was and the way he was not. He lives within my head and my heart. He may be on another continent and yet I still feel connected to him.
Did you do anything different than you did before? Did you feel you were ready for the type of relationship this presented to be in the beginning? Any negative thoughts or concerns of failure and “yeah right” that you had to push back?
I was not ready for this relationship. It did not create wholeness it caused me to doubt myself- and I transformed into who I am today and I continue to grow and transform.
I will never give up on love- perhaps I was willing to be alone and I can and have accepted that- but it is not my preference. You never lose the love you have for someone- you may not be in physical touch with them but the love remains in your heart. The first thing I think about when I see the word love- is the man that I romantically love. It is important not to give up on love- because all there is … is Love.
