Bags In the Attic
When you think about the attic you likely think about a dark, unwelcoming place where things are hidden and stored away from your daily life. As women, we pack away a lot. We carry a lot. We survive a lot. Joan T. Randall in her new book, Bags In the Attic, unpacks her lifes journey through abuse. Someone needs to hear her story and find their way to the other side too.
Every author has some sort of inspiration to spearhead their writing, but besides what is in the book, what motivated you to share your story on a wider scale? God had delivered me from a tumultuous life filled with adversities, pain, and shame. He elevated me beyond my wildest imagination, and I knew the reason for that was bigger than me. I had a responsibility to share what God had done for me with others. I wanted women to find hope in my transformation and know that they too can go from broken to brave, victim to victor, survivor to thriver, and stuck to success. I was purposed to impact the lives of others with my story positively.
Give us a brief summary/synopsis of the book? As a young girl growing up in Jamaica, I always wanted more for my life. I dreamt of going to college, pushing past the boundaries of what was expected of me, and forging a unique path in the world. But when betrayal hit close to home and rocked the foundation of my family, my view of life—and men—was tarnished. Then, I met Mr. Intoxicated by Mr.’s charm and a promise of the experience I had always dreamed of; I uprooted my life to move to the United States, making many sacrifices along the way. Soon after, I realized the man I followed for love was not the man he truly was, and the family I tried to build was in danger at his hands.
A story of unending resilience, Bags in the Attic shows the strength of one woman, who stopped at nothing to protect her family, and her daughters, whose bravery empowered her to fight for their survival.
Who is your target audience/demographic? Career/Professional Women of Faith, Ages 39 – 59.
What genre is your book and why? The book is Non-fiction. It is also listed in the abuse, self-help, and dysfunctional relationship category. It is a memoir that shows the effects of abuse, strategies for leaving, and evoking the will to defy the odds.
How much influence do you think your parents relationship/culture etc. had on your relationship choices? I think it had everything to do with it. Our family unit was almost perfect. I never saw anything other than respect and equality between my parents. My siblings and I were showered with love, and we always felt safe. I saw us as the perfect family; mom, dad, three children, and a dog. That all changed when I became a young adult, and my father’s infidelity began. That rocked the core of the foundation that I knew, and it devastated me, especially because dad and I were so close and had such a bond.
Read our prior feature with Joan here
Where do you think the “grass is greener” mindset came from that made you always seek what you thought was better even when red flags should have been saying otherwise? For as long as I could remember, I always had an abundant mentality. I knew that there was more for me to experience outside of what my small country could offer. I was a dreamer, and dreamers like to explore; it starts in mind, and then it manifests into a reality. I believe in my heart that there is no more significant self-taught experience than travel. Being able to explore other countries, cultures, and ways of life was my desire. I never paid attention to the red flags. I was young, and I refused to let doubt or fear stopped me. I was ready for something different, and I knew that risk was a possibility.
Why do you think you kept seeking out relationships built on toxic foundations? I don’t think I intentionally sought-after toxic relationships. I don’t know anyone who does that. However, I had a picture in my mind of a father I loved that betrayed his family because of infidelity. I made choices based on that psychological trauma, vowing that I would never allow my heart to be emotionally attached for someone to hurt me like my mom. When I met Mr. and saw how he obsessed over me, I felt it was the love and escape I needed to start fresh. Years later, I recognized how much the pain of betrayal affected me and some of the choices I made in men.
Due to the topic, there may have been times during your writing and recollection that were emotionally draining or triggered feelings of stress. How did you deal with those moments if any and if not, how do you think you conquered the memories and got to the point where it’s just simply your empowering story versus a horrible memory that still haunts? Yes, during the writing process, I did experience a series of emotions; Sadness, anger, contempt, shame, and guilt. I had to dig deep and return to the place of pain and defeat to be transparent and get the story out. I allowed myself to feel, I gave in to the flood of tears, and I cried for myself and my daughters. After those moments, which happened at different points of the story, I acknowledged it was the past and that I no longer live in the story, but I’m standing on the story to deliver someone else.
During this COVID19 Quarantine currently going on, it is being reported that Domestic Violence reports have increased. Why do you think that is and what would you say to those women (or men) currently feeling isolated and trapped in their own version of your past? According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline there has been a 25 to 40 percent increase in DV cases since the quarantine. This is not just a United States issue; it is a global issue. The quarantine forces people to be locked inside their homes for days without being able to go outside. Victims become isolated with their abusers and with no place to go. Work, school, church, community centers – may have been places of escape under normal circumstances but with the quarantine that is no longer the case. Conflicts happen more frequently and gets out of control fast. But there are a few proactive steps that can be taken;
a)Make use of available space – step outside on a balcony or porch to prevent blowups; take a walk if possible; sit in the car; spend time in another room. b) Distraction is a Gift – many arguments can be diffused through distraction – participate in activities or games with the kids; watch separate television shows; eat meals in different areas within the home to create distance. c) Securing Support – program the National Domestic Violence Hotline number in the cell phone under a friend or family’s name; establish a code word with a close friend who will know that you need help if you use that word; call the local authorities if your life is in imminent danger.
Do you do any current work with shelters or other programs that help DV victims or survivors? Yes, I am a Certified DV Speaker and Victims’ Advocate. I partner with Safe Alliance, a women’s and children domestic violence shelter in Charlotte NC.
Even after surviving, in time we look back and analyze our own missteps in our survival. In writing this book did you find yourself analyzing what you would have done differently, better or sooner? Absolutely. In my case, I loved him because he professed so much love for me – in an almost obsessive way. That flattered me, especially when he told me I was his Queen. I refused to listen to my Mom, who was concerned that I did not know enough about him. I did not want anyone to plant doubt in my mind, not even myself. I ignored the questionable behaviors to be with him. In hindsight, I did not follow my gut instincts until it was too late, and I was in too deep.
This story represents your past, but how do you see it–as the prerequisite or introduction to the real you at your core, the foundation of why you do what you do (career/business/life etc.) or simple a lesson learned and not repeated? It’s one thing to make choices that impacts your life negatively and then change that behavior – but it’s another thing to keep repeating those negative choices. Statistically, women who experience domestic violence and get out is more likely to attract another abuser or get involved in another abusive relationship. In my case, I never did. I made the conscious decision to acknowledge where I went wrong and why I did. I had to learn to forgive myself and my abuser for healing. Once I started healing, I began to love myself just as I was. That was the start of my recovery. My healing and recovery from an abusive relationship trigged confidence in me that made me comfortable in my skin without needing validation from anyone or anything. It positively impacted how I approached life, work, and leisure and ultimately attracted a different kind of relationship and love.
If your life were summed up in a song, what would be the name of it? Like a Phoenix, I was Given Beauty for Ashes.
What actress would you chose to play you in the movie adaption of your life? Loretta Devine.
Audible, Real physical books or Digital (Kindle/Nook)? I love Real physical books.
What was the true connection to your survival- what pulled you through and what sustains you? My connection to survival is directly related to the CHOICE I made to evoke the will to survive for my two daughters. However, blind faith is what pulled me through the mud and the ashes. I had no idea how I was going to make it, but I knew that there was a more significant direction for my life. My love for God and the purpose that He has assigned me is what sustains me. My journey was meant to prepare me to impact lives and change the outcomes for those I am called to serve.
What do you hope readers take away not only from the story of your past but also from where you are now? I want the readers to understand that adversities do not define you; instead, they refine you. Every pain, every shame, every setback, every tear is meant to build character for the task that God assigns you. Each experience is a new lesson learned. It is like a brushstroke on the canvas of your life that God is painting. You are His masterpiece: the good and the bad works for the good. For any light force to illuminate, there has to be a positive and a negative charge that connects. Faith in action will always lead to prosperity.
Tell us something that made you smile this week. Having four of my five grandchildren together in my home for dinner since COVID19.
Who was Joan then versus Joan today? Joan was Naïve, a people pleaser, and a yes girl. Today Joan is a secure and confident woman, who lives by faith, leads by faith and help others create legacies by faith.
As it relates to your story, tell me something you’re grateful for. I am grateful for the crushing that I went through and for every wilderness moment. The purpose of the grape is to make wine. But for the wine to manifest, the grapes have to be stomped and crushed to fulfill their mission. Had it not been for my painful past experiences, I would not be the Woman of God I am today, operating in my purpose. I am grateful for my husband, Bill Randall, who God gave me as beauty for my ashes. I am also thankful for my daughters, who are thriving College-educated Entrepreneurs
Tell us about your day to day and family life? I am blessed to have an incredible husband for the last 14 years. We are a blended family with three daughters, one son, and five grandchildren. Hubby and I are empty-nesters, and we love it. I have been an Entrepreneur for the last four years since I retired from the corporate world in 2015. I am a Business Coach and Indie Publisher. I work from home and enjoy the freedom it gives me to spend time with my family. Every day I wake up focused on my Why, and that drives me to keep going. I am passionate about Women’s empowerment and legacy building through books and business. I am the administrator and creator of several online groups and a mastermind team. I am a ministry leader at Elevation Church and is responsible for leading and facilitation training programs for a group of 50 plus Kingdom Entrepreneurs.
Any Hobbies? I love music, dancing and journaling. I write everything that I desire to manifest. In my alter ego pretend world I can sign like Beyoncé. LOL
Tell our readers where they can connect, purchase your book and find out more about you and other literary works. I am joantrandall on all social media platforms. My website is victoriousyoupress.com. My books are available on Amazon. Bags in the Attic can be purchased directly at bit.ly/bitapaperback or go to Amazon, type in Joan T Randall and Bags in the Attic will pop up. Click to purchase the kindle or paperback version.
The book ends at your moving to DC. Was that your awakening? My entire lifestyle in Florida was out of balance. Although things had started to turn around, I needed to spend more time with my daughters instead of working seventy-hour work weeks. My oldest needed me, and her behavior was a way of screaming out to me that she needed more of my time and attention. When the opportunity presented itself for a better work-life balance, career growth, and more significant income, I knew I had to take it.
Domestic abuse has a way of harming the people around us as well. It was sad to read that your daughter held so much in and seemingly still does to protect you. Have you ever given her permission to display and share whatever her truth is in order to truly heal in order to save herself and not pass on” the shield syndrome” to her children?
Volume 2, “No More Bags”, launches in 2021. It holds the answer to this question. I cannot give it away at this time. LOL
You can find Joan’s amazing book on Amazon. Get your copy today!
Kemi Sogunle- Certified Life Coach and Relationship Expert- www.kemisogunle.com
Crystal Joyel – Life Coach / Low Self-Esteem @crystaljoyel @thenakidfoundation
Sharisa Robertson – Mother/Daughter Relationship Expert- http://www.unmotherfuckyourself.com/
