Tera Carissa Hodges has worked tirelessly to highlight the subject of Success Bullying and has empowered women in the workplace and business to prepare themselves to handle the pressures that can come along with being a successful woman. She has reached countless lives through her life changing expertise and support as a faith based women’s empowerment speaker, philanthropist and life coach. Her desire to empower has led her to collaborate in purposeful business and fashion endeavors and in the creation of her own greeting card line. Let’s meet her and get to the root of Success Bullying and why women should continue to reach success without fear altering their path.
Define Success Bullying for our readers who may not be familiar with the term?
Success Bullying is when people are bullying you, attacking you out of jealousy, hatred, envy and spite because of your accomplishments, achievements and success.
Has this been something you or someone close to you had a personal experience with that led to you putting a focus on this topic?
Yes. In ministry, so many fellow ministers who may not have corporate work experience or traditional, mainstream certifications and accredited educational credentials, may see other ministers, speakers, authors, etc achieving a level of success they are not, but are interested in, and wonder why that person or persons and not them. From a psychological perspective, because self-reflecting is not the most comfortable thing, people can begin to believe it’s something the other person has done wrong to get ahead or win, when in fact, it could just be the person making those assumptions are not yet qualified for the level they desire and the person they are envying is.
Not just ministers. Anyone. Because sometimes, your greatest naysayers will be people who feel they are just as good as you or even better than you, but yet they can see you walking through doors and into opportunities they want for themselves. In those moments, people will want to discredit you in an effort to make themselves feel better or look better. It’s a coping mechanism and self-preservation tactic.
What led me to focusing on success bullying was seeing the correlation between people and their jealousy and the glass ceilings they seemingly consistently come up against. Many times, your critics won’t realize how coming up against you is really them coming up against themselves because from a psychological perspective, it’s hard to believe you can win if you are always correlating someone else winning with having done something wrong to win. So, you’ll see the limitations you place on others (they didn’t really do that, they can’t do that, I wonder what they did to get that), actually becoming self-limiting beliefs that are impacting your ability to believe in true success for yourself and thrive.
I have found that the success is not always measured in accomplishments and new promotions or notoriety but sometimes success in peace, attitude and spirit is also equally threatening to someone who is not healed where they are simply bothered because you are unbreakable or not chasing them for approval when they feel that you should. It is almost like your wholeness or joy rattles their trauma. Have you seen the same or similar behaviors?
Absolutely! People don’t just envy things. They envy your peace, joy, confidence, ability to bounce back and more. In my life, I have seen people become distant…not during a storm, but after the storm when they had a front row seat to seeing that Red Sea didn’t drown me like they thought it would. When a person carries trauma, is still seeking company to join them in their misery, or is wanting to have someone in their vicinity to pity, seeing you recover from what they were sure would wipe you out becomes offensive, because not only are you up, but it’s clear nothing will take you down. That bothers some people.
It is especially disheartening when women in the workplace receive this treatment from other women-specifically women who look like them- who they would assume would be more apt to want to help them than hinder them. How does a woman in the workplace stay encouraged when this happens?
Pray for your bullies, pull back from them as much as you can, put in boundaries that limits their access to you to professional settings and scenarios only, and build a strong support system both on the job and off that does not include them.
Am I surprised women bully women? Not at all. It’s easy to envy those similar to you because more often than not, that’s who you compare yourself to. Common bullying scenarios amongst women…
- A woman thinks a man she is interested in may be interested in you.
- A woman who thinks she is better than you sees she’s not doing better than you.
- A woman sees you are further than her in your career, finances, personal life etc.
Usually women who operate like this won’t stop until they feel they have achieved something that puts her on your level or above. Women who operate like this can easily be categorized as female narcissists.
The recent suicide of Dr. Antoinette “Bonnie” Candia-Bailey really put workplace bullying and mental health for WoC into the spotlight. Toxic workplaces are real and the feelings of those who suffer are valid. It should never get to this extreme, but it often does. What resources are there for women?
HR, your supervisor, legal counsel, therapy.
How can women stand firmly in their success and fight back against tactics meant to discredit them?
Keep being successful. When you understand that the nature of success bullying or workplace bullying is to stop your success, don’t give it what it wants by not being successful. Keep on keeping on. Eventually your bullies will begin to embarrass and discredit themselves when all can see, it’s not you who’s the problem.
They are the problem. Let your success speak for itself.
Some tactics are gender and racially motivated. Women have so many things to battle in the workplace as is. Do you think this plays a role in how many women are moving to entrepreneurship?
Absolutely! People are realizing they can work hard for themselves in peace and that they do not have to put up with office politics to pay their bills.
Why should women not settle and instead take their expertise, value and innovation to companies that nurture positive workplace environments -not just as a promotional gimmick but actually by holding employees accountable for their behaviors and by not promoting these leadership styles?
It’s hard to change an environment you have left. For the women who feel led to take the entrepreneurial route, do it! But, for those who truly feel called to be in corporate, speak up. Be the change, effect the change, you want to see.
What message do you have for the bully who makes these environments so intolerable?
Heal. You are hurting yourself more than you are hurting others because it is a law of nature, you reap what you sow.
Tell our readers how they can connect with you online.
Do you have any events, product/book launches you would like to promote?
Yes! Head to http://www.houseofcarissa.com to check out my latest empowerment products.
